Month: October 2022

Posted on by joseph mauricio

FEELING THEJOY

When we talk about joy, we think of moments of pure happiness. But, it is said that joy is deeper than simple happiness. Happiness exists in the absence of suffering, even if that absence is temporary. We are happy for the moment. And moments of happiness are very important for stress release and building mental resilience.

Joy, on the other hand, is a deeper experience. It exists in times of happiness but also, quite poignantly, in times of suffering or sorrow. Joy is an extension of our wellbeing, which stems from our very life force. It is an expression of being alive. Therefore, Joy is unconditional and not dependent upon external circumstances. 

Joy is a natural feeling of aliveness that is always there, whether we recognize it or not. There is nothing we need to do to make it so. We don’t need to invent, capture or increase it. We need only release it. In order to experience more joy, we can open up to life and allow its energy to flow. In this sense, Joy is more of a verb than happiness, which seems rather noun bound. Joy flows, if we open to it. We can’t hold it, but we can feel it. Happiness is a thing we can hold, barter or commodify. It is also conditional as it needs us to satisfy certain criteria to secure it. For instance, happiness may be dependent upon things like the weather, other people’s approval or the amount of caffeine we’ve had.  So, happiness is a thing and can be increased. The path to happiness is finding the things in life that increase our happiness. This keeps us maneuvering, expecting and anticipating the dopamine reward of its experience.  Our coffee is perfect, the sun is shining and the person sitting across from us is nodding approval of our intelligence.  But, all of this sets up expectations. And should the person across from us look away toward someone else our Jenga tower might fall into disarray.

Happiness engenders hope. And hope leads us to an expectation of reward. When the reward is thwarted we feel saddened or deflated, and so scurry to rebuild the tower with new pieces. And, in this way, we oscillate through life in excitement and decline, trying to satisfy the fickle criteria that supports our happiness.

However, as Joy is an expression of self-existing aliveness, the path to feeling joy is simply to recognize what blocks our experience of being joyful. What are the things in life that block the flow and radiance of being alive? Some of the ways we block our joy is to do the very things we do to make us happy, such as drink too much caffeine or seek others approval. In the Shambhala teachings we see a lack of confidence in ourselves as the root condition of these blockages. Our teachers refer to this as “The Trap of Doubt”. When we doubt ourselves we attach to material things external to ourselves to try and prop up our towers. But, this play of ego turns the truth on its head. As we look for things outside of ourselves that we feel others will admire, we become less and less confident in our true selves. As we emphasize our relational selves, we lose the truth of our wellbeing. Other things determine our happiness and we are cut off from the source of our joy.  When we look to others for their approval, we cut ourselves off from the source of our life.

It is important to interact with our community. But, a non-codependent approach would be to seek feedback rather than approval. In this way, we are canvassing our community in order to build a deeper understanding of ourselves rather than throwing ourselves away in comparison.

Meditation practice connects us to this deeper, more authentic sense of ourselves. This is not the ego self, clinging to our world in a desperate attempt to find happiness. It is the true self that knows itself and can rest in its own wellbeing. This profound feeling is joy. And joy cannot be manufactured. It is already there, if we find the time to just allow it to be. Meditation is the practice of returning to this essence again and again until we begin to engender the confidence to let ourselves be. With that unconditional confidence, we rise above the trap of doubt, and feel gratitude for being alive.

Confidence and gratitude connect us to the wellspring of joy.

Posted on by joseph mauricio

ACCEPTANCE, THE GATEWAY TO THE PATH

ACCEPTANCE, THE GATEWAY TO THE PATH

 

The Buddhist path is said to be vast and profound. Profound refers to the notion that the teachings reach below surface standard cognition penetrating to the depths of our being into our human experience. Vast refers to the many manifestations that the Buddhist journey takes and the many methods it employs to illuminate profound understanding.

 

So, we travel many roads deep within our experience and see what it is that makes us human. From the Buddhist point of view all life is sacred and our life, in particular, can be seen as the working basis for a journey of ever-deepening discovery. At this vast journey lies a very personal connection to ourselves and the present moment.

 

Often used terms such as “path”, “vehicle”, or “way” refer to a journey. This implies that our practice is developmental in nature. Each day as a Buddhist, we reassert our connection to the path and vow to learn more today than the day before. This is not meant to create pressure, but to rather acknowledge the rare and precious opportunity we have to continue to develop understanding of ourselves and tolerance of others. It actually releases pressure because journeying on the path requires acceptance of where we are and avoidance of expectations.

 

In order to understand this development, we employ three methods, understanding the past, having full mind awareness of the present and orienting ourselves toward a view of the future. At the center of this journey is the requisite of finding the willingness to be “here, now.” Being here is not sedentary, as all time is in movement. Now is a moment in a continuum. So our practice is to return to that moment, again and again, as we need. This return or “recollection” it is called lies at the core of Meditation practice. We return, again and again, and do so gently so the process is sustainable and our resistance is minimized. In this way we find an even flow to our path and our life.

 

It is impractical to force ourselves into a tight cage interpretation of the present. It is more advisable to see the present as a moment on our path and to train the mind to return to that moment allowing ourselves the leeway to drift and flow as we allow ourselves to navigate the moment. In this way, we will develop an ability to navigate life’s flow in an organic way. The root of this method is non-aggression, which means we are avoiding the societally ingrained tendencies to be demanding, critical or expectant of ourselves. This is called “Maitri” or “LovingKindness”, which is a profound acceptance of ourselves and our world.  Maitri is the foundation of a process of seeing ourselves, our path, and our life as workable.  We develop this acceptance through the process of remembering to return to acceptance of the moment again and again without demand or judgement. If we employ this process of recollection and return gently, we will train our mind to stay present and develop an easy way of being.

 

It is important to note that acceptance is not resignation. Resignation is a shutting down of our passion, as if to give up on ourselves. It is a great shrug or a wet blanket we employ out of fear of doing something wrong. However, the term “path” describes a developmental process that we can orient toward the possible. Acceptance means that we are not fighting with ourselves or the world but learning to understand that world and who we are. While resignation is a shutting down, acceptance is an opening. Acceptance is the gateway to the journey of our life.

 

Sometimes we make a distinction between stating a goal and having a view. The word “goal” feels materialistic. Goals can be aggressive attempts at developing expectations. Expectations tend to rob spontaneity. Goals can be a weight or a lid, rather than an encouragement. A view, on the other hand, is an inspiration that calls us forward in a particular direction. While goals are things we attach to, a view is something we open toward. Our view is a gateway. If our gateway opens from a place of acceptance and loving kindness, we are open to the possibility of our life.

 

By accepting the present, we allow ourselves to be loving to who we are, however we are.  If we are unhappy with our circumstance, then everything changes. In fact, circumstances will change more readily if we are in acceptance.  Struggling with the things we want to change only engrains them more deeply. We lock in so many behaviors because we don’t want them. But, if we feel something in life should change, then by accepting it, we can allow it to change when it is ready. Along the way, we are learning for the situation rather than waging war that will spread to the world around us.

 

How we treat ourselves is reflected in our dealings with the world. If we are kind and patient with ourselves, we will have a chance to be tolerant and caring of others. Conversely, if we are at war with ourselves then no matter how we pretend to be compassionate, eventually the war inside will spread to those around us. If our view is to understand ourselves, then we will develop an understanding of others. This will make our life cooperative, rather than contentious. In this way, we can rest and return to our being and in time learn to live without the struggle that has so long defined us.

Posted on by joseph mauricio

HOW TO GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT

HOW TO GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT

From the moment we first cried out for our bottle to the time we sidled up next to someone at the bar hoping to have them buy us a drink, we’ve learned to manipulate our world. More specifically, we’ve learned to manipulate our feelings in order to manipulate others into the impression that we can get what we want. The fact that we frequently don’t know what we want doesn’t seem to deter us.

 

The notion that desire is problematic to our mental balance and serenity has long been a topic in meditation theory. But many current teachers suggest that desire is not the problem. Desire is appreciation, after all.  Problems arise when we clamp down on the object of our desire. This clamping leads to clinging and attachment that serves to change our relationship to the thing we desire. All of a sudden, we have gone from appreciation to acquisition. Our attachment becomes more about “Me” than whatever it was that initially moved us. The clinging becomes more important than the object of our desire. Clinging seems create a sense of security for ourselves. Because we are internally programmed to feel successful when we are getting what we want, getting what we want becomes more the point than the object itself. And then, of course once we have it, we have to hold on to it and defend it.

 

We have hormones that activate in the anticipation of getting what we want and endorphins that are released when we get it. We become slaves to these hormonal feelings.  We feel excited when we want something and rewarded when we receive it. This game propels us through life. Unfortunately, that propulsion runs its course, and we are left deflated and in need of another fix. This cycle continues feeding itself again and again and is largely unconscious. While we buy in to the objectification game on its surface, we are blinded to the feelings within, as well as the consequences that lie ahead. Buddhists would refer to this as being ignorant of karmic cause and condition.

 

In this way, desire, anticipation, reward, and depletion keep us locked in this semi-conscious cycle as we focus on objects rather than ourselves. We are compelled to fill the space we feel inside by clinging to externals. While this may feel good momentarily, it is not what we really need.  Therefore, it is ultimately unsatisfying.  We fall flat and feel empty again until we perk up looking for our next neural adventure. Gripping to the things we think we want and ignoring what we actually need makes us poverty stricken and emotionally anorexic. The space we seek to fill becomes emptier still. Hence, we cling ever harder to the objects of desire and the manipulative games they engender.

 

But why do we want what we want?

 

Sometimes we try to get what we want because we feel it will raise our status among our clan.  There is research that suggests that this has roots early in our social evolution when we were driven to need the approval of our milieu when clans were a primary source of survival and protection. Making ourselves valuable to our community assured us of those protections. In our modern society, this dynamic manifests as a highly competitive and transactional way of looking at the world. We don’t just want to fit in with our milieu, we want to impress them, we want them to want us, we want them to need us, we want them to love us. The more we feel loved by the community the more we actually feel protected by that community. How much of our social negotiations stem from wanting our mother’s love, or our fathers care? It is said that the initial attachment of a child to its caregivers sets a primary behavioral template.

 

I was asked recently by a student if we could discuss how our meditation practice could lead us to greater control over others and lead us to the idea that we could better manipulate the world. The answer to that is that meditation practice turns that whole question on its head and suggest instead that we create a sense of well-being within ourselves so that we reduce the need to cling and grasp, and in so doing reduce the suffering we endure in our lives.  When we reduce the need to have these facile material connections to our societal caregivers, we reduce the need to manipulate or cajole or seduce or cry for our bottle. Our emotional baseline becomes a sense of contentment with who we are that might lead to contentment to what we have.  That doesn’t mean we can’t flirt for a drink, or cry for attention. It doesn’t mean we can’t try to do our best and it doesn’t mean we can’t want to be loved by the world. It just means that none of that speaks to what we really want. What we want is to find completeness and contentment in our life, and to be helpful to others.

 

There is a Buddhist parable about a person who when walking the world could either pave the world in leather to protect their feet, or to wear leather on their feet to protect themselves. The moral seems to be that wearing leather is a more efficient way of walking through life. As meditation practitioners our work is to develop and refine ourselves so that we can be of service to ourselves and to the world. In this way our position in the clan is more secure as we are truly of benefit to the society. A sad aspect of life is that people are most attracted to those who can benefit them. Many of us play a common game of throwing ourselves to the ground in supplication to the world. We want someone to help us. We want anyone to carry the burden. We want the universe to save us. But the truth is, until we can do those things for ourselves, no one will be there in any lasting, meaningful way.  Until we have the strength to help others, we have little meaning to ourselves and to our world.

 

So, the way to get everything you want in life is to, of course, want what you have. And once we have it, all we can do is share it. If we are looking to find security, it comes not from clinging, but from letting go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on by joseph mauricio

PATIENCE, THE KEY TO SYNCHRONICITY

PATIENCE, THE KEY TO SYNCHRONICITY

 

Learning to work with anxiety is an important practice for anyone trying to maintain mindful balance in their lives. How often are we thrown off-course in life due to reacting unmindfully when prompted by our fear. Something feels wrong, and before we can look into what that may be, we spring forward as if to escape the discomfort. I can’t count the times I have made missteps in my life by lurching blindly.

 

The alternative is to breath out and take a moment to break the blind momentum. Learning to live mindfully requires this application of patience.

 

Anxiety prompts us to move. And although we register being anxious as a problem, anxiety is natural to anyone with a nervous system. It’s the inflammation of our largely unseen neurological system. In spiritual and wellness traditions this energy system is seen as our lifeforce. Whether we call it “prana”, “Chi” or “Windhorse” this lifeforce is how we feel. Although it holds sway over a good portion of our experience, it remains a silent partner to our consciousness. When we are in balance that life force flows evenly, buoying our spirits. But when the lifeforce is impeded or provoked in a defensive response, we feel uncomfortable. Anxiety has a triggering effect that causes programmed places in the body to seize up and grip in a neurological reaction. This is interpreted as signaling danger. These places of gripping in the body distort the flow of our lifeforce, which in turn, channels our thinking and wellbeing.   Anxiety registering in the body triggers what Jon Kabat-Zinn referred to as catastrophic thinking. We go immediately to the “nuclear options” of fight, flight, or freeze.

 

 

This unease might register with a tapping of the foot or a clicking of the pen. But before we know it, we are moving. As if trying to shed this reactive skin we need to run, drink, eat, dance or lash out against someone we love. We are barking at the shadows in our mind in blind attempts to free ourselves. Anxiety moves us more surely than any inspiration or aspiration. Yet, the blindness of reaction means that we are not mindful of this movement. So, we often jump further into the fire.

 

 

Meditation practice works to calm the nervous system. In time, consistent daily practice will create a buffering space between impulse and action – and specifically between anxiety and reaction. We can train ourselves to feel uneasy and not react in animal action but to pause, just a moment, in order to allow our higher functioning to inform the process.  We allow ourselves to feel uneasy long enough to make a beneficial decision.

 

 

Buddhist teachings refer to the paramita of Patience as an important practice in allowing us to develop mindfulness. But in our culture, we place a moral spin on this otherwise practical tool. We mistake the tool of patience for resignation as we ‘grin and bear it’. However, in Buddhist Paramita Practice Patience is seen as a pause in our reactic=ve momentum that leads to greater tolerance, understanding and offers us a fresh start free of habitual reactions. Rather than reacting, we are responding. And if our view is to develop mindful awareness in our life, anxiety can be seen as a prompt to take a beat and see what is actually happening. In this case, employing the breath to calm the nervous system is a very simple but effective tool.  When in the throes of a panic reaction, the idea of taking a beat, or taking a breath seems innocuous. When we are in an anxiety state we mistake our panic for reality. And we become very important to ourselves. This brings about the catastrophic thinking Kabat-Zinn referred to. The more important we feel our problems are, the more important we seem to become. Ironically, this disconnects us from ourselves as our mind and body become desynchronized and we enter a very impacted state of being.

 

Yet, the remedy is simple. We ignore our inflammed ego and simply pause and connect to the experience of our breathing. Our breathing is largely happening in the body and our awareness will allow the nervous reaction to settle. As the body relaxes it releases some of its gripping tension and the mind can rest in the present where it can do its best, most effective work. In meditation parlance, this is called synchronizing mind and body. And when mind and body are in synch, our lifeforce returns to balance and flow. We are synchronizing with our life in the present. Rather than agitating our life by reacting to anxiety, we are accepting the anxiety with patience and responding to life accurately.

 

The practice of meditation is the basic template for developing the patience that leads to a mindful understanding of ourselves that is deeper than the reactive worlds we inhabit when fueled by anxiety.  In this way, when we sit like a Buddha we are learning to wake up.