July 2024 – Joseph Mauricio

Posted on July 29, 2024July 29, 2024 by joseph mauricio

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Maybe It Is All About Me

Let’s discuss the elephant in the room. Specifically, that big elephant standing in the middle of everything. This ungainly creature influences and interprets all we perceive, feel taste and touch, yet remains nonetheless unregarded and unseen.

The elephant is standing guard over our precious sense of self. Its primary purpose is to protect us by surreptitiously inserting itself into nearly every situation in an attempt to control nearly everything. As one of its tools is stealth, this unseen elephant is an agent of ignorance. We don’t see it, and it sees only what it’s trained to see, which includes itself. And unless we’re retraining the mind to see clearly, we never see beyond the firewall to ourselves. Buddhist thought delineates a path of developing awareness of the elephant and all the other wildlife in our being so that we might see beyond that which controls us to our life as it is beyond unconscious interpretation. This path develops awareness, which is a sense of panoramic knowing that allows us to navigate life with ease and dignity. The more we see, the better we can care for ourselves and others. Awareness is the essence of compassion. Once we see, we are able to understand. And caring is a natural response to understanding. A life with awareness, dignity and care is a better place to live. So what is keeping us from leading that life?

In the larger picture of things, awareness sees all possibilities. However, our untrained mind does not have the ability to process all of this information. On the practical level, we need to focus our intention within that sea of information to get anything done. Our perception is localized and administered in an aspect of mind Tibetans call “sems”. Sems acts as a mental switchboard that organizes input from our 6 gates of awareness. These gates are our five sense perceptions and the mental interpretation of each. It is important that in Buddhist thinking our mental interpretation is considered a discrete sense. Most importantly, there is a difference between our raw perception and our mental interpretation and sometimes these are not in alignment. It is the purpose of meditation practice to clarify the dissonance between perception and interpretation. This is referred to as developing valid cognition. In time, with consistent meditation practice, we become aware of our mental input and learn to look beyond the elephant to see where life is leading us.

So, let’s break down the components of this elephant. The elephant stands on the notion of a “self“. At some point in human evolution we became conscious. That localized sense of perceiving began to organize itself into an entity that is aware of itself. This allowed us a vantage from which to navigate an otherwise unmanageable sea of possibility. Yet, that navigation comes at the cost of limiting those possibilities. This notion of self is a necessary limitation in order for consciousness to have a reference point. Ego is a further limitation of those possibilities. Ego happens as self-awareness becomes a self-consciousness that assumes itself to be self-existing. This assumption of “me” can become a self-referential closed loop that reduces awareness to specifically localized points of view. The ego works as a set of patterned functions that reduce what we see of the world. We conflate reality down to serviceable quanta which, in turn, are seen as a means to serve our perceived compensatory needs. These perceived needs are generated to compensate for feelings of lack or vulnerability. In other words, we see what we are conditioned to see and generate feelings that prompt reactions. We generally do this all without much investigation.

It is the role of mindfulness meditation to create gaps in this automatic process, so that we may be able to track reality. Ego solidifies the idea of itself with uninvestigated and unintentional habitual reactions and Mindfulness Meditation allows us to see through this process and unpack the mechanics of our ignorance. Therefore, by insinuating space and awareness into our life, mindfulness meditation creates an existential challenge to ego. This is why we sometimes have resistance to meditation. The gaps created by developing awareness are like cracks in the wall of ego’s fortress.

Ego is created as a protective process, however like all protective processes it is also charged with its own survival. The defensive system has become more powerful than the host it’s enlisted to protect as it serves to also protect itself. For many of us, most of the time, the elephant is running the show. And direct challenges to the elephant are met with further resistance. The way to work with the elephant is to acknowledge its value, and to encourage it to relax. Like everything on the Buddhist path we are encouraged away from antipathy and toward care and understanding. In other words, learn to love the elephant. And again we do this by knowing the elephant. What makes it tick? When is it likely to be inflamed? How can we remember it’s there? How can we learn to treat this creature with love and respect?

Unlike the majestic elephants of the wild, our egos are furiously overworked conductors trying to control streams of information. Sometimes they resort to bullying tactics. The more they are threatened, the larger – and more invisible – they become. Frightened people tend to see only themselves. And this inflammation of self into blind egotism obscures everything – and everyone – else. Narcissists seem overbearing but that inflation of self and their inability to relate to social cues are compensatory defenses for those who feel inadequate and vulnerable. That self-centeredness creates expectations that are hard to live up to. When we feel larger than life, we have so much to carry. After times that ego has arisen in our defense, we become deflated and depressed. We lay there wondering how we can actually manage getting this elephant off our chest. I call this the “Unbearable Weight of Being … Me.”

We wake up in the morning to my alarm clock, take my shower, drink my coffee just as I like it, take my car, to my job. No wonder that when I come home to my house I’m sick of myself. Buddhist teachers will say that the problem is not ego. The problem is cherishing the self. We are clinging to the idea of me and creating this weight that becomes exhausting to carry around. Sakyong Mipham says “what about me” is the incessant mantra we say first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. He went on to suggest that after all this, we should be full of joy. But, we are not. Lastly, ego is an addictive state that cries out to be fed. And the more we feed Seymore, the more it needs to feed.

The antidote is to stop. Allow a gap. Breathe out. Drop into ourselves and feel ourselves in our body. That is much closer to reality than circular, ego world building. Just drop it. Come home, and be here. This act of self love will allow the elephant to rest. When the elephant rests we can look around and see the world as it is.

WIth the room to see the world, we might find it is quite workable. In the 12-step tradition they say, becoming right-sized we see life on life’s terms. We don’t have to conflate our life, or inflate ourselves just to be here.

_________

Posted on July 22, 2024July 23, 2024 by joseph mauricio

“HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE”

Compassion For an Annoying World

In the play, “Huis Clos” or “No Exit” French philosopher Jean Paul Sartre introduced three characters that represented a kind of social three-body problem that uncovered the basic instability of human interaction. The nature of this dynamic encouraged the edges of each personna to trigger the others. That dynamic continued in vicious rounds ultimately leading Sartre to famously conclude “hell is other people.”

I once wrote an unlove song that went “people suck, and you’re one of them.” Yet life with the irritations of other humans may be worthwhile simply because we have no choice. It is an existential situation that we can either choose to see or turn away from. Sartre’s play was an existential glimpse of a human condition that left us with no alternative, hence the idea of hell. The Buddhists say the cycle of suffering, referred to as l samsara, is endless. And, yet the Buddha predicted that suffering can nonetheless cease if we understand its cause. Our experience of that endless sea of suffering is enacted by the clinging attachment to the straws of life we feel will save us from drowning. Instead of flowing though life with an open sense of discovery, we grasp to the things we love and struggle to get away from things we hate. And in the turbulence of yes and no, wanting and not wanting, we become blind to the rest of our life.

The Buddha’s remedy for this struggling blindness is to train the mind to settle in the present so that it may develop an objective awareness. Awareness of the things we cling to, awareness of the things that trigger us and eventually awareness of all that we’ve missed due to these obsessions. This is not easy. The deeper we see, the more we feel. And feelings …. well … can suck. In this regard, it is said that irritation is the vanguard of awareness. And as the old song (almost) said, “waking up is hard to do”. Just like the groggy eye-rubbing crankiness many of us experience in the morning, becoming aware of our world can be an uncomfortable and unsettling experience. And yet, should we bring awareness into the hell of our world, we might see that hell itself is a construct. And any construct is a thing, and all things are temporary.

So, why do we suffer? We become comfortable with the familiar. Seeing what we see, knowing what we know, doing what we do supports our sense of security. As we are social creatures, we search out our clan and dance with the partners we enjoy. However, we can unknowingly become attached to what we know, and experience antipathy toward that de don’t. We assume our point of view is self-existing and inviolable. Humans nestle into comfort without looking into that or beyond themselves. Chogyam Trungpa likened this process to creating a cocoon. Cocoon, in this case, is a womb of repetitive patterns, societal norms and bounded thinking in which we find protection but entirely take for granted. We separate ourselves from the dangers of disparity by surrounding ourselves with the familiar. Each of us has our specific style of protective cocoon that makes us feel safe. Ironically, those who flaunt danger sometimes find solace in the familiarity of repetition of their unsafe behavior. A daredevil approach feels brave, but once we’ve learned how to navigate the danger, it becomes a pattern.

We use repetitive patterns as a self protective strategy, even when they are not serving us. But even when they have served us, cocoons by nature are temporary staging areas. Should we fail to move on, at some point, we are not growing. Even if our cocoon is academic study and research, are we able to see beyond our mode? The late Physicist Richard Feynman noted that his colleagues were learning “more and more about less and less.” Many of us are proficient in the things we know, but don’t recognize, or value what we don’t know. The spiritual problem here is that we are limited by that which we don’t see. It’s like the mass of “black” matter in the universe. There is a preponderance of mass in the universe that we can measure, but cannot see. Some scientists rather describe this as unseen or unknown matter, indicating there is something there we are yet to understand.

The brain is happiest and therefore most efficient when it is leaning new things. So, developing awareness in our lives is developing our minds. Developing our mind enables us to develop greater awareness. While being nurtured in the safety of our comfortable environment is essential for our physical health and survival, seeing beyond our comfort points is essential for our mental and spiritual health. Spiritual growth = spiritual health. The more we see, the more we understand. This is developing awareness and is likened to “waking up.” And as we said, waking up is not always pleasant. And so there is a tentative balance between safety and growth. It would be impractical to throw off all caution and engage the world without discernment, but when discernment turns to judgement, we are limiting ourselves. The struggle between stepping out and back to the cocoon is a necessary dynamic for growth.

It is essential for the butterfly to struggle through its cocoon in order to develop the strength to fly. Likewise, it is essential for those on a wisdom journey, to work with the discomfort of waking up. The Tibetans refer to “lakthong” or clear seeing. Lakthong is seeing beyond our reference points and likened to “waking up. When faced with the discomfort of seeing more clearly, a common tactic is to find fault and assign blame. We can deflect the pain of our burgeoning awareness onto a projection of another object. However, this freezes us in place. Once we pinpoint a problem, then it becomes a scapegoat. We are no longer looking, because we are seeing what we believe. Smart people are very susceptible to irritation and blame. People of high intellect can often become impatient with those moving on slower cycles. It’s natural to value our world from the vantage of our own values. Sometimes this conflates into a rigid false binary. Some people are good and some are evil. Assigning a value of evil may be more about pushing away something you find uncomfortable than an absolute value scale.

Those of us too sophisticated to believe in evil, might instead just find other people annoying, irritating or unworthy. And, in truth, some people put up a good case for that. Nonetheless, the more clearly we see and the more we step from our parochial perch, the less protected we are from irritation. It is said that “meditation is not a vacation from irritation.” And in truth, just because people are irritating to me doesn’t mean they aren’t valued by those their own clan. If they exist in the world, then waking up to the world would indicate connecting to some are unavoidable.

So, how to work with this?

Knowing that there is no right or wrong to the situation. There are points of view that, in fairness, are susceptible to change.
That said, acceptance of our feelings as valid is important step in waking up. However, understanding that our feelings are subjective are very important. Feelings don’t make us right. They are part of the landscape.
Being willing to set aside judgement and investigate means everything. Why does it irritate me? What does it mean to me? Did my caregivers do this? This means not making global assignments or judgements. Just being humble enough to ask why am I uncomfortable.
Having the confidence to NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. I am not obligated to feel a certain way about anyone else’s behavior. Non-co-dependence or interdependence means that we are willing to stand on our own without feeling swayed for or against. When I am triggered by someone, they are MY triggers! My mind is all I can effectively change. No one is keeping me from doing that.

My friend Sarah suggested that we could have disintegration rays like in Tim Burton’s movie “Mars Attacks”. She feels they would be compassionate by painlessly eliminating asshooles for our life. Hahaha. Although admittedly a provisional view of compassion, the idea that we could painlessly cut the attachment we have to feeling judgement or obligation to the assholes we endure is appealing. As Christ said, “you will always have the assholes with you.” He went on to say “you will not always have me.” I think it is not up to us to find goodness in our own hearts and endeavor to see others through that.

All of us have wisdom and all of us have neurosis. It is up to us as to which lens we use to see our world.

Yours,

joe

joseph mauricio

mindfulness based coaching

www.josephmauricio.com

505.720.6776

Posted on July 15, 2024July 16, 2024 by joseph mauricio

Waking Up in Chaos

Life can be overwhelming. Especially when we look at it. I used to love horror movies, but these days its enough to watch the news. Sometimes it seems we’re living in the apocolypse, as written by Steven King.

At this writing we are heading toward a pivotal, some say existential, national election. The two primary presidential candidates have come under fire. One fending attacks against their age and mental acuity. The other, quite literally, in a narrowly missed assassination attempt. Both of these situations have caused us to stop and reconsider solid paradigmatic points of view.

Maybe it’s not a bad thing to be forced to look at what we convey and what we see. Are we being clear? Are we looking with an objective awareness at how things work? Or, are we only selling our point of view to ourselves and our world? I have been guilty of the latter. More egregiously, I have felt justified in doing so. If we feel we are right, we might feel justified in piling on, exaggerating or satirizing to substantiate our point of view. I am more inclined to this when speaking to my choir. I pontificate as the heads nod. But where will this lead? Justification feels so right, but in reality, it often leads to disordance and misunderstanding. The stronger we hold to our point of view, the less we understand alternative reasoning. This creates a false permanence, which is counter to the natural laws of the universe. Becoming stuck on our point of view is an invitation for the universe to dislodge us. Often this forced shift leads to a period of chaos where our values and perceptions come into question. When firmly held perceptions shift, we go through a period when things are out of phase producing a dissonant static that is challenging to navigate.

Along with change, chaos is a primary law of the universe. Although unsettling, it’s a natural part of our lives. Applying “functional awareness” chaos can be seen as a gateway from a familiar paradigm to a new vantage point. “Objective awareness” is seeing what is actually happening, rather than how we feel or what it all means, which is more of a subjective awareness. It’s good to acknowledge how we feel. But it doesn’t mean that is how others feel. And it doesn’t mean that it is easy to see beyond ourselves. That shift from our precious point of view into another space is often preceded by a moment of ego death, which is chaotic and unsettling.

If we look objectively at how chaotic moments in our life have played out, we’ll see that we have made it through these unsettling passages each time. Perhaps we have stepped into more fortunate circumstances. And maybe we have developed greater awareness from being dislodged from our zone of familiarity. If we look at how it works, chaos sometimes feels bad, but is a very necessary step in our growth process. So, waking up in this turmoil requires us to accept that the unknowing of chaos is sometimes necessary. It is also important to see that resisting change is a primary condition of suffering. But does this mean we blindly go along with an alternative? No. In fact, the alternative is also subject to change. A true paradigm shift is not shifting from one leg to the other. It is accepting that at this moment, we have no legs at all to stand on. As we are not having to become something, there is no reason to resist anything.

Binaries are fictions we create to better understand chaos. There is a good, and there is a bad. We have right and we have wrong. We feel comfort in fending off chaos with these solid beliefs. All of us have something we feel is real. But clinging to those beliefs create suffering as readily as clinging to material things or other people. This is called materialism of view. We believe our ideas are real. Well, good luck with that. I’ve actually come to see that binaries are by their nature never real. They are crude designations, the first step in the mental triage in trying to address the unsettling unknowing of chaos. The remedy? Hahaha. Relax. We are struggling through a natural process of rebirth. There is no reason to struggle. Our disquiet is urging us to discomfort. Our discomfort tells the part of ourselves charged with being in control that we are under siege. And so we prove our mettle by digging in. We turn false binaries in rhetoric and rhetoric into violence. At this point, the chaos in our mind becomes chaos in our life.

However, Meditation Master Chogyam Trungpa was fond of saying “chaos should be regarded as extremely good news.” It seems despite our discomfort, this natural process might lead to a deeper, more nuanced connection to life. It may be that life itself is a series of birthing. Maybe instead of projecting where we wish it will all lead, we might pray to end up where we least intend. If we close our eyes right now and visualize what we want from life we are creating a fiction that will never happen as we project it will. And it is possible that we are selling ourselves short. Perhaps life can be so much more than our conditioned thinking would indicate. We can only project from what we know. If our knowing changes, our projections may change accordingly. Who knows what we’ll want tomorrow, and, by extension, where that may lead us?

Of course, we can’t abandon all principles. That would be like abandoning all our clothing. We need clothing. However, we may no longer be comfortable in bell bottoms. Yet, if our principles change with the seasons we are just adding to the chaos. In our last class, Erik With a K suggested that we can find a seat that might offer ballast in order to navigate turbulence in our journey. Daily Meditation gives us the connection to the now that breeds the confidence to be here despite the chaos. WE. ARE. HERE. And knowing that “here” has no obligation to us, our work is to open our hearts and see what is actually happening. And just as life has no obligation to conform to us, we have no obligation to do anything but remain here, navigating our way with our eyes open.

Trungpa would say, life is like falling out a window. But, the good news is there is no ground. So how do we find our balance through chaos if there is no ground? Perhaps we find a navigation point in finding comfort in where we are. Perhaps a balance point is deep within ourselves. All we can change is ourselves. All we are responsible to is our mind. Protect your mind and you will see your way through.

Waking up in chaos: Accept the turmoil. Avoid judgements. Find our seat in that. Open our eyes. And enjoy the ride.

________

Posted on July 8, 2024July 9, 2024 by joseph mauricio

FINDING TIME FOR KINDNESS

FINDING TIME FOR KINDNESS AND KINDNESS IN CHAOS

Before he turned his kingdom over to Buddhism, King Ashoka had been a particularly ruthless warlord. There is a story about a monk who walked on to a battlefield during one of King Ashoka’s typically vicious battles. There was an injunction at the time against monks being harmed, even in war. The monk positioned himself so that no one could fight past him without injuring him. And so the battle paused.

And there was silence.

During this moment of peace, the ravages of this horrible battle could be seen in context. These were humans that had torn each other apart. The monk sat in the midst of this smouldering wreckage and, it is said, Ashoka was faced with the brutality of his violence. He also very clearly saw the power of kindness.

Extreme violence had seemed justified because Ashoka believed he was destined to unite the Indian kingdom states. Given the cultural disparity of the people and their long held grievances and bias toward each other, this was a daunting task. Yet being mercenary by nature, Ashoka could not deny the power of nonviolence he had seen before him. In context, he could also no longer ignore the horrid cruelty of war. The monk became an inspiration stronger than the banners and war cries of his clan. Ashoka ushered in Buddhism and its vows of kindness as a unifying force for his people. He became the first Indian king. And India became the first Buddhist nation.

There is another version of the story which deals with “Ashoka’s hell”. Ashoka had built an infamous prison, which was designed to be more punishing and cruel than anyone had ever experienced and it was an apparently effective deterrent. While on the surface, Buddhist principles of nonviolence, kindness and understanding had inspired the populace, Ashoka himself hadn’t converted. It seemed he found no problem utilizing cruelty to secure his ends. Ashoka’s hell had an especially cruel mandate: no one who enters would ever be released. In this telling, the monk nonetheless entered the gates and sat with those afflicted with punishment. As no one could harm a monk, it created a gap in the cruelty. Ashoka himself came to speak with the monk and when he did the monk reminded him of his primary mandate. Ashoka felt stuck. The monk encouraged the enraged king to sit. While resting in meditation, Ashoka woke up and saw the pain around him that he himself had created and was theoretically forced to endure. If he remained in his dungeon his kingdom would likely fall. Ashoka had no recourse but to dismantle his hell.

And as he stepped out from that hell, Ashoka did not drop his laws or remove his armies. That would have been naive and not responsible to his people. What changed was his intention. If he was acting to care and protect his people then he was in the right and the energy of this benevolence would bring success. On the other hand, when he fell into self interest, acting out of blind hatred, his efforts would be destructive. The keys here are intention and clear seeing. The basis for compassion in the Buddhist system is wisdom. Wisdom is knowing without prejudice and is based on clear seeing. We are able to rise above the aggression of ‘this and that’ and see with connection. Perhaps we are not so different from those we wish to destroy.

In our chaotic and dangerous lives it is understandable if we might be seduced into violence and aggression. Yet, if we act out of aggression, we have already lost. For anyone interested in compassion, it is essential that we act from serenity and a basis of peace so that we clearly see our intention. If our intention is to mette out pain and suffering because we feel violated, then we are stuck in a circular dance of destruction. Fighting fire with fire, it is said, burns everything down. Indeed there are some who do that in this world. And there are many more who are unclear what they want, but simply follow along with hatred because it’s the easiest grab. But, if we join this fight out of fear because everyone else is doing it, then we are lashing out blindly. When we do so, we are no longer in control of ourselves or in touch with our mind. Although this may feel momentarily powerful, we are actually in a very defenseless position. When we don’t see, we are offering ourselves up to be victimized.

Awareness is the best defence. And awareness is born of stability of mind. Hence, serenity is what we need to see beyond the darkness of our own defenses. Although our lives are fraught with danger and chaos, we can train ourselves toward effective self-care rather than reflexive self-defence by meditation. Sitting in the quiet center of the turmoil of our life, we can learn that we are not obligated to join the frey. We begin to learn how to boycott reflexive defenses and learn to see clearly and create our intention. Intentional, or mindful action is when we are awake ad incontrol. And if our deepest vow is to protect ourselves and all others, then we can make choices accordingly. We are not obligated to be assholes.

What we do is our choice. It’s always been our choice. Which path leads to benefit and which to destruction? Unfortunately, there are no fixed answers. Each situation requires a specific understanding. And that wisdom can only happen from a stable and quiet mind. I think we can all do this right now, today. We can make a commitment to develop a mind of compassion. The cornerstone is meditation practice. Stability leads to clarity, leads to appropriate intention. Or better said, serenity leads to wisdom, leads to compassionate action.

In order to create the ground for serenity, we can train ourselves away from aggression. Aggression happens when we’ve squeezed ourselves into a corner. A cornered animal is dangerous as it sees no options. The warrior of compassion releases themselves from pressure and allows the space for kindness to be an option. By creating the space for kindness in our lives, we create openness in our hearts. Our world feels better. And as our world begins to feel better, we might begin to see more ways to find the space for more kindness. I don’t know if this will affect the world, but I do know that removing myself from hell, I am able to see that my path to kindness is key to peace in my life.

I don’t know if there will ever be kindness on earth. I do know there can be kindness in my heart. And that kindness is something I can share with everyone.

Posted on July 1, 2024July 1, 2024 by joseph mauricio

LIVING WITH OUR BIG BRAIN

During our evolution we lost our fangs, claws and venom as we traded up for a big brain. As this brain grew, it gained the processing ability to go beyond the defensive reaction of its dark beginnings and, learning to see a bigger picture, strategize its way past danger and toward sustenance. This remarkable ascension is still happening and that’s a wonderful thing. Yet, that growth happened so quickly, our minds are developing new skills while our brain is still holding to old processes. This creates a dissonance between a view of what may be possible and what we fear could happen.

One of the most venerable of our ancient systems is our survival instinct. As our brain initially expanded as a defensive measure it also developed a spiritual, artistic and intellectual capacity yet unseen on our planet. Yet, that defensive survival imperative still exists – and, in fact may be more inflamed by the rapid changes it faces. Our mind gives precedence to negativity and fear as a survival strategy. Survival is compelling. A part of us values panic over relaxation. As we begin to see what is possible for us, a darkened part from of our past rears its head. When we become triggered, our mind spins as it tries to work its way out of the perceived danger. This happens too quickly for us to track and so we tend to wake up in the middle of some obsessive thought as a focus of our anxiety. We find ourselves working out a familiar thought in our mind over and over again. “Why did I say that?” “Why didn’t I tell them this?” The process is more about fear of a problem than it is a mindful attempt to solve the problem. We become stuck in our brain. And since the mind is not thinking in a way that can solve the problem, we may begin to feel inadequate and victimized by life.

Because we are still indebted to ancient defenses our mind closes down around that one thing it feels threatened by. Although a reaction to fear, the narrative may try and feel strong by manifesting anger to an object or ourselves. That little voice in the head telling us there is something wrong about ourselves, is a means of bad self-parenting. We’re trying to fix ourselves but this only serves to make us depleted and weakened. It is sadly ironic that just when we need our mind the most, it turns from awareness into compulsion.

Meditation practice trains the mind to cut past the compulsion. When we notice our mind thinking, we let it go and return to the breath. This is not to get rid of the thought, but to free the thought from its compulsive cycling. This mindfulness of mind gives us the power to turn our mind from compulsion to awareness. Yet, the momentum of our cycling mind is so powerful, it takes a lot of practice to learn to work with it. In time, we learn to stop believing the story, and work with the process.

When our meditation practice wanes we lose our “spiritual hygiene” and our emotional / mental immune system becomes compromised. When this happens we become susceptible to random afflictions of mind. Small things, unresolved issues, and lingering questions become the seeds of creating a much larger blockage. When our mind lacks the strength to protect itself it becomes obsessed with whatever it is it is worried over. My teacher calls this being held hostage by our minds. “Give me that drink or I’ll torture us all night.” “I need that cookie or I’ll be in a bad mood all day.” I need, I want, and I have to have what I need to want right now. Yet, a moment from now it could be something entirely else we absolutely need to have. Our mind becomes demanding even when it doesn’t know what it wants. Our needy mind completely dominates our field of vision. Rather than take joy to the world around us, we are robbed by that one thing we can see past. And when we blame the object or ourselves we only serve to embed the process further.

So, the way out of this is the way in. The problem is in our activated sympathetic nervous system. It’s not happening in our mind. Our mind is looking on in horror, but the seizure is happening in the nervous system. Whatever thoughts we might have are tangential to the fact that we have been triggered, and in a fear state we are unable to see clearly. Our ancient mind is aflame and hijacks our higher reasoning. Our higher mind is conscripted to figure a way out of the spinning so it goes into overdrive. The panicked body clenches. Fear begets fear begets fear. This process happens more subtly when we are able to push compulsive thoughts aside and yet the toxic psychologies they create nonetheless fester in our mind and body. The gnawing feeling that we are not good enough, strong enough, smart enough are bags we carry. Some of us have carried them so long, we just assume they are real. And here is another sad irony. Everything changes. Therefore, a thought we’ve had for years, that has become embedded in us, is less likely to be valid. The fact that we are holding onto an idea for years doesn’t make it more real. In fact, our mindful mind would point to the contrary.

So, how do we live with this ancient brain in a modern developing mind? With care and respect. The mindful mind can be aware of itself. With practice, it can develop the strength to be the leader of itself. Lead the mind, or it will lead you means that we would do well to learn about the mind – objectively – before we try and change anything. My teacher was fond of pointing out how we learn to much about everything except the tool that does the learning. Mindfulness of mind is learning to understand our mind. When are we likely to be hijacked by our ancient fear-based defenses? Maybe we can believe our brains less when our spiritual or emotional immunity is likely compromised, as in when we’re hungry, angry, lonely or tired. We can believe our mind less when we are absolutely SURE of anything. We can simply believe our stories less and feel our feelings more.

We will never figure it out while we are spinning. The mind is simply not at its best when it’s agitated. There is not clarity in agitation. The mind is at its most effective when it is calm. Calmness of body, brings calmness of mind. Calmness of mind allows the mind’s natural clarity to dawn. Even though we feel a compulsion to react to the problems of life, they are best addressed in serenity. So the work isn’t figuring out the problem. The work is protecting the mind from panic so it can see its way through. When we’re up all night spinning over something, the story is not real. The fear beneath the story is what’s real. Not the story of the fear, but the history of that fear. Hold the fear, and calm the body. And do whatever you can to support and love yourself. Our minds need us. We would do well to protect and honor them.

Living with a big brain takes care, understanding and training. The ancient brain needs to be led by kindness. And the modern mind needs to move beyond itself and continue to grow.