When I developed my meditation instruction into a practical life path I chose the name LIFEWORK for my new business. This felt apt because, in a very practical sense, our work is to live our life. Our jobs and any financial security we’ve earned would, ideally, support our life. While many of us have pressing financial and professional issues, I believe Right Livelihood is the creative development of our essential being. Simply said, living is our life’s work. And perhaps that work can be a work of art. A truism in the field of motivational development is that money is not an effective motivator. While a few may be genuinely motivated by acquiring wealth, the majority of us fear not having wealth. Or, perhaps we fear wealth itself
My work is to remind people that life is the point. Our jobs are only one of life’s pillars. Some others are health, play and spiritual wellness. A “Life” Coach would help illuminate all of the aspects of life, not just help with employment. If our job supports our life we are fortunate. And if our job is eroding our health and spiritual wellness, we are also fortunate. We have been gifted an opportunity to rediscover ourselves and reorient our path. All roads led us here, and so here we are.
Now, where would we like to go?
The healthiest life orientation is one in accord with our true nature and placing this in alignment with, and service to, the world around us. Some traditions talk about turning their path and our life decisions over to God. Some talk about working with the universe. THe important point is that we don’t have to muscle through on our own if we orient ourselves toward a greater purpose. Yet, we cannot lose ourselves in the process. My belief is that we have to honor what Martha Beck calls our “Essential Being,” which she posits as distinct from our “Social Being”. Our Essential Being is informed by other’s needs but is not defined by anyone’s expectations. It is self-existing and yet open to communication and change. Our essential nature seems to understand verbs over nouns. What is our action? If our action is fearful, then this action programs us to believe that that life is to be feared. When our action is confident we are guiding ourselves toward openness. In terms of our livelihood, many of us have a complicated relationship with money. We fixate on money, we discuss money, we may even study money, but we are actually quite frightened of money. Hence, money doesn’t excite us and wealth feels unattainable. And so, our lives become obligatory rather than creative. Lennon suggested that we break our backs to earn our day of leisure. And yet, Lennon was wildly successful in life because he “broke his back” for his passions. Whether it was perfecting the three-minute song, affecting progressive politics, falling in great love, or finally caring his family, he was an example of dedicating life to the things that matter.
And what matters will change as we develop. When we have this co-creative relationship we are living life imperfectly, as a work of art. Art is never perfect. Or maybe its imperfections make it perfect.
In 1989 Marsha Sinetar released “Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow” which was something of a manual on what the Buddha called “Right Livelihood.” Rather than motivate our life journey by our fear, if we identify the essential element of our being, we will access a wellspring of energy that will effectively drive our life. I think of it as a crystal river that runs through the essence of our life. Everything becomes clear when we remember to return to that flow. This is what we are training toward in our daily meditation. Shambhala Buddhism refers to “Basic Goodness.” This is not good versus bad, but a description of our human essence. It is the basis of human being. We are good. We have every right to be here. If we can learn to believe in ourselves, we will believe we are worth whatever goodness life can offer. So “Right Livelihood” is dependent on connection to our spirit.
Do gold rings and bling really satisfy us? Maybe. If we can access our essential goodness then the accoutrements of the world will be, as Chogyam Trungpa said, “ornaments which are pleasant to wear.” But when we forget to remember our basic goodness, acquiring any goodness of the world is, Sakyong Mipham says, “like putting elegant clothes over an unwashed body.” If we don’t recognize our own goodness and believe we are worthy, the goodness of the world will not be sustainable. Many of the things in life that we so desperately seek will only lead us from ourselves if we think these things will complete us. This actually erodes our wellbeing. On the other hand, there are things in life that directly feed our soul. When we are in tune with ourselves, we can feel this in our body. So, there are things we do that close us down and things in life that genuinely light us up. If these are the things that money can help acquire it might do better to focus on that which genuinely excites us and then allow the accumulation of wealth to be a practical means to that end.
In my coaching, I have my clients envision what they want from life. This is a maddening exercise at first. We are trained to regard our own wishes as selfish. But how do we have the ability to help anyone if we’re depleted and unhappy? And I tell them “lets just toss some ideas and see what the universe sends back.” Nothing is written in stone. Stones are for laws. Laws are an important support, but only to guide the creative. Creativity is an imperfect process. We let go and relax into the flow of life and allow the universe to co-create that life with us. This means we allow God, our teachers, or our higher power into the equation. The way we access the goodness of life is to dedicate that life to enriching all life. Nothing engenders confidence like caring for others. When we do this, we are accessing our higher spirit. We are in line with spirit, source, God, or Basic Goodness. That spiritual alignment is an amazing feeling. When we have the capacity to extend to others, we are aligned with goodness and the goodness we need from life will come. This is Ruling Our world with dignity and grace. Conversely, when out of fear we live life only for ourselves, we live scurrying and frightened. Thinking about our livelihood, our health, or our life at all seems overwhelming. Perhaps this is because these thoughts are manifestations of fear and not expressions of confidence.
For some, the money that drives our social economy is a cruel master that causes us to barter our passion for societal progress. Societal progress is not evil, but it doesn’t light us up. And motivating toward financial security is an obligation at best. But what is important is that we remember the essential cause of our motivation. We are humans, not machines. Caring for humanity is a way of transferring our anxiety into meaningful action. This makes us feel better about ourselves which allows us the confidence to recognize and accept goodness from the world. This reconnection to our basic goodness has to be maintained with the daily effort of coming back. We get lost and we come back. Over and over. There is no other way to progress. We train daily by simply coming back to the breath in our practice. Eventually, we gain the confidence to remember to recognize and return to the present in daily life. Then we can turn our life over to our higher power, which is always at the service of helping others. We can go from anxious self-centeredness, which is self-limiting, to the confidence to allow our life to unfold as it should. When we are selfish, we are walling ourselves away from goodness and so will struggle in fear. When we see this, our daily work, our good work, is to return.
It is the biological imperative to protect life on our planet. When we are in alignment with that, we are part of the goodness of creation. With this view, all the goodness in life is dedicated to giving us the means to protect life.
attachment is not our fault. However, it is an opportunity to learn to let go. Learning to let go is a tool we can use often in our life and practice. Whenever we are stuck in a thought or feeling an emotion we can’t be rid of, we actually can just stop. We can pause. Once we’ve allowed a gap we might be able to step back and recognize that this experience is not about the object of our pain. It is about the action of gripping. I am holding on. The all-important next step is acceptance.
away we can release our grp with (self)love. Like Banksy’s image of letting go of a heart balloon. We simply open our heart and our mind and offer our anger, disappointment or insult into space. Our emotions are not
influence our life journey. Yet, as these belief systems stem from reactions to difficulties in life, they are defensive and don’t offer access to a larger world with more options and deeper understanding of each other’s beliefs. We just assume that we are right and write off those who disagree as misguided.
Helping ourselves we are more able to develop the clarity and strength to help others. Should we fall into self aggrandizing self importance we lose balance and fall into the river. THen if we surrender we can allow someone else to help us along. This seems to be the process. When we awaken into compassionate interconnection to life, we naturally care for the life around us. And that connection supports us as well. Of course we falter and sometimes fall. But we can learn that our ego is the part of ourselves that needs more and compares itself to everything else. We can recognize that ego is a defensive state that has been programmed to hide in the darkness. Try to make ourselves strong in order to best someone else feels good for a moment, but it is never enough and will never last. When we manifest strength by caring for others we gain a confidence that nurtures a part of us that lies deeper than our programming. With kindness to ourselves and others we nurture our basic goodness that has been there always. We have always had everything.
Of all the distractions in my life, my mind is the most seductive. I am perpetually engrossed in my thinking to the extent that if I was not a meditator, I likely would reside full-time in my head. While our minds are amazing tools, being lost there keeps us from accessing its power and potential. When I am lost anywhere, I am sucked into a part of my mind that cannot see beyond itself. This is to say I lose awareness. When I am unaware I am missing the beauty of my mind and my life. By cultivating UNawareness, I am putting my head in the sand, making myself vulnerable to danger. When I am not aware, a deep inner part of me becomes frightened. My reveries take on a paranoid hue as I succumb to anxiety about the future and regrets of the past.
This was the worst attack upon the Jewish people since the 2nd world war. It will precipitate an intense retaliation which will rock the foundations of world security. All this is happening in the shadow of the invasion of Ukraine that had shaken the world. AIt is also a time when technology has created more awareness and nuance than ever before. The world is either waking up or falling fast asleep. Or perhaps both. We have the setting sun approach turning toward darkness counterposed with the rising sun view of opening to possibility. We can take either position. We can take the easy approach of blaming a group and wishing for their eradication or we step back and try to see more clearly with eyes of healing and compassion. And just like any of us waking up on a spiritual journey, we will see harsh realities along with positive development. It is important not to latch onto solid propositions. As we develop spiritually, one of the things we are waking up to is the horror we are capable of inflicting.
As we journey up the mountain our view changes. We begin to value possibility. Instead of defensive protectives, we start to see the commonality in all humanity. We see that we are part of a greater whole. We are part of an experiment by the cosmos to develop wisdom and begin to see itself. But in order to do this we have to understand a very simplistic binary: acknowledge the mind that keeps us locked in suffering, but follow the higher mind that leads to clarity and strength. While the shadows of our past are still an influence, we can develop the power to look ahead toward a bigger view. No one looks out from the top of the mountain and says, “this sucks”. Sure, we may see all the refineries and junkyards but the view from above is nonetheless beautiful. In time, we will see more of the war and hatred people still rage upon themselves. But we will also see trees growing and life blooming. All of life needs to defend itself, and all life yearns to grow. This higher mind cares naturally for the world. And even as it hurts deeply for its suffering it rejoices in its liberation. We are evolving.
In the 90’s I lived in a meditation center in the Rocky Mountains. What was then known as The Rocky Mountain Dharma Center, was based on the Shambhala Buddhist Tradition and catered to a variety of communities. Each year a group of college students from Chapman University in California came for a 10 day immersion in the healing arts we called “Ancient Wisdom, Modern Madness.”Or program introduced a variety of ancient traditions from Buddhist teachings of Trungpa Rinpoche and Sakyong Mipham to the African tradition of Malidoma Some’. The director of the program was Michele Killoran, who was to become a major influence on my life. She had been leading the “Chapman Program” for a decade, when she picked me to be her successor. I was very new to teaching but my youth gave me entry into the students’ trust and heart. I immediately felt a kinship with them. And this was the first principle in the healing circle: trust born of heart connection.
MIchelle showed me the notion of the self-healing, self balancing community. Buddhists call this a mandala. Many indigenous traditions employ this principle, or their version of it. The mandala denotes a community or an environment that organizes around a primary principle. That principle may be a fire, a mountain, a lineage, a teaching, or an idea. In the Chapman program we used Wisdom as our organizing principle. Whatever tradition we introduced, we were looking to use it to develop wisdom. Wisdom is not knowledge. Knowledge is the map. Maps are important but they are the not the and they represent. The Buddhists talk about fingers pointing to the moon. The finger is not the Moon. Truly seeing the moon, as we would at the RMDC on high alpine nights, is an experience. It is contact with something we can never own. Wisdom is knowledge married to experience. It is knowledge that happens within us. Wisdom changes us. In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition we refer to transmission as an instantaneous download of wisdom that affects our body, spirit and mind. A given student might experience transformation in a moment or over time. The ones who were open might experience a transmission from launching a bow in Kudo – a ceremonial Japanese archery, or from a rebirthing ceremony with Meledoma, in the sweat lodge or a fire ceremony. The transmission might occur in meditation, when we come back to the breath. If we are open enough transmission may happen as we notice a falling leaf or hear a bird sing.
Years later, in New York City I met a woman named Jaime. She seemed a younger version of Michelle, with flowing gold-woven hair and piercing bright eyes. She was a student of mine, who quickly became a colleague and finally my teacher. She was a shooting star that illuminated my life and then touched down in darkness, leaving waves of her benign effect on the world. She was our original co-teacher in Dharmajunkies, a group we founded on the idea of the sacred community circle. Jaimie and I taught together weekly on Monday nights and her heart touched everyone who came into that circle. Jaimie instructed us on how to speak with each other in ways that opened hearts and fostered heartfelt communication. Like Michelle, Jaimie was gentle and tough. She ushered our group away from competition and comparison. She taught us to support each other by maintaining an awake, loving space. She taught us deep listening. She gave us the strength to be a community based on individuals who, like her, were entirely, completely, unapologetically themselves.
Jaimie was on vacation in Hawaii when she slipped on rocks overlooking the ocean, fell to her death, and was swept to her grave by Namaka, goddess of the sea. The hole she left in my heart will never be filled. Perhaps another key to the healing circle is that wounds need not be healed. That space need not be filled. That all is blessed just as it is. I suppose it is our work to remember that. Who are we bending ourselves to be? Who are we apologizing to? To whom are we explaining ourselves? And why?
Those of my venerability might remember the Bill Withers song. Withers 
When I was a boy my mother was young, beautiful and insecure. My father was away much of the time and during that time her life was unstable, chaotic, and chronically underfunded. Yet the love she held for her children was nonetheless unshakable. However, along with the strength of her love, her fear was also transmitted to us. Love and fear were her gifts. In the years that came my father’s career developed, and as it did our economic concerns lessened. And yet as he became successful he grew away from her. Insecurities changed but fear remained impactful on our lives. Children love swimming pools but pools don’t care for them. My mother’s love was ever present and yet her frightened loneliness was always there. Over time, her life became truly challenging. As if by some karmic plan she was forced from one insecure situation to another. And yet, it seemed her higher power had guided her to greater strength and independence. To her credit, my mother never became bitter or vindictive. And in time, she gained great power. She was a vessel of her belief and a loving support to her children, but also her world. I was always welcome in any of her humble homes. They always become our home. Even as she had less material comfort than before the divorce, and even as her insecurities had, in many ways, come to fruition, my mother gained a spiritual strength that was an inspiration to all who knew her. She went from being a fire that offered love and pain to becoming to the earth itself, stable, loving and true.
Kindness is accessed by gentleness, so we sometimes view it as inconsequential or miss it all together. Kindness doesn’t have as large a handle as aggression, so when push comes to shout, it’s a challenge to remember it’s simple power. We often regard kindness as something we’re ‘supposed’ to do or we use it as a placeholder for more active feelings that may later come raging to the fore. When kindness is used to deny our feelings we are being unkind to ourselves. We are trying a bit too hard to be civil. But if this is not how we really feel, then the other steel-toed shoe will 
When we are triggered, we are neurologically panicked and do not have easy access to serenity and peace of mind. When pressured, it is far easier to reach for the cudgel than to rest in the space of balance. When we are pressured, we react and want the world to react to us. With all kindness, I must say, this is very weak. The way of warriorship is to practice meditation regularly so that we are trained to respond with the space and balance that is self-kindness. From that high vantage, we can offer the world genuine kindness. This reflexively feels better than the afflictions we place ourselves in to. When we feel better, we are better, and it matters less what anyone did or didn’t do. That’s them. They are not my business. My job is not to figure out anyone else or to blame anyone. I feel as I feel. I can own that. My primary job is to be genuine and kind. From there I can see my world.
