Category: EVENTS

When Cruelty Becomes the Norm

Photos by Maria Lau, on site at “No Kings” NYC

As violence in our culture becomes increasingly normalized, we naturally begin to grow desensitized. This is, in some ways, a psychological adaptation—our minds regulating themselves in order to survive the constant barrage of suffering and threat. But this normalization shifts our internal baselines: what was once unthinkable becomes merely uncomfortable… and then, quietly, becomes acceptable. Like the proverbial frog in water slowly brought to a boil, we may not notice what’s happening until it’s too late—until the flesh falls from our bones. I only hope we make a wonderful human stew.

At a recent No Kings protest, a photographer friend of mine saw a sign that read: “When cruelty becomes normal, compassion seems radical.”

That idea struck me deeply. The forces of hatred and cruelty have become so embedded in our society that speaking out against them can provoke backlash, censorship, or isolation. Yet if we don’t speak out, that same darkness begins to seep inward. As Joe Strummer once warned, “We’re working for the clampdown.” And here we are—told to “get along, get along.”

How does someone committed to nonviolence and kindness push back against a rising tide of ignorance? Perhaps the answer is in the question. If ignorance is the disease, then the antidote is the clear and courageous offering of truth. Wherever we can—through conversation, media, art, or daily example—we must counter distortion with clarity.

This is a time for artists, creatives, philosophers, and writers to rise up—not with dogma, but with presence and heart. We must choose roles that contribute meaningfully to society. Art matters. It always has.

I’m reminded of how, during the Nazi occupation of France, playwright Jean Anouilh staged Antigone as a veiled indictment of collaboration and authoritarianism. The occupying forces didn’t catch the deeper meaning—but the people did. Similarly, Eugène Ionesco’s Rhinoceros warned of creeping fascism through absurdist allegory. Not all protests need to be loud; some speak powerfully through metaphor.

The same applies to our own hearts. If we root ourselves in compassion—true, fearless compassion—we tap into something far more potent than self-righteous anger. The image of the bodhisattva comes to mind: a humble servant, setting aside ego and personal gain in order to benefit others. This isn’t weakness. It’s one of the most powerful stances we can take.

Compassion doesn’t have to be grand. It can start with expanding the circle of our care—from pets, to friends, to strangers, and even to adversaries. If we nurture that inner warrior of compassion, we can become strong in the face of repression, wise amid ignorance, and peaceful in a violent world.

Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche once used the image of the Garuda—a mythic bird that soars with fearless compassion—to represent what he called the “outrageous” bravery of an open heart. He said this kind of bravery defies our narrow, self-protective instincts. It dares us to leap beyond the smallness of self-concern into the vastness of humanity.

And make no mistake: those who cling to strength through violence, hateful rhetoric, and domination are often the most frightened among us.

How, then, do we respond? By showing up. By being sane, balanced, and clear—even when the world around us isn’t. Each moment of calm presence, each small act of compassion, offers sanity back to a world that desperately needs it. Whether it’s just one person at the coffee shop or a room full of people at a talk—your kindness matters.

Even more outrageously: we may end up benefiting the oppressors, too. That’s the radical nature of true compassion. No enemies. No kings. No victims. No heroes. Just human beings—some who will listen, and some who won’t. But compassion doesn’t require agreement. It requires courage.

When I hear the phrase “We are all children of God,” I feel the deep equality of sentient life. In Buddhism, we speak less of God as a figurehead, and more of the innate Buddha nature in all beings that sparks awakening in us all. That is the wellspring of our strength. Tapping into this goodness allows us to face cruelty with clarity, to stand in danger with dignity, and to act with courage.

When cruelty becomes the norm, those who remain awake become strong reminders of sanity.

But have as we face cruelty in our world can we face the cruelty in own mind? How do we treat ourselves? How do we speak to ourselves? We don’t have to follow along with oppression, even our own. We can take the brave step of facing our own life with kindness, so we have the strength to face the world. The Shambhala teachings urge us to be “kind to ourselves and merciful to others.” It all starts with “Maitri” or lovingkindness for ourselves.

When we choose kindness in the face of cruelty, whether in our society or our mind we are taking an outrageous step—not just to change the world, but to trust in our own basic goodness. And if that changes nothing but our belief in ourselves we’ve taken an outrageous step forward.

 And maybe that changes everything.

Opening to Compassion

The ideal of a mother’s love as being nurturing and sustaining is an archetype deeply embedded in nature and consciousness. Regardless of the individual relationships with our mother, the essence of motherhood—the embodiment of love and loving-kindness—pervades our experience. This ideal is not just a sentimental notion; it is a foundational aspect of the path of wisdom.

Wisdom alone can become cold, sharp, even unyielding. But when united with love, wisdom finds true expression. Love and loving-kindness are essential forces that balance and ground wisdom in compassion. They bind the clarity of insight to the warmth of connection, allowing both to flourish together.

In many spiritual traditions, this love is awakened through devotion—whether to a teacher, a lineage, a deity, or even our ancestors. For some, it comes from connection to a godhead: a creator or a divine messenger such as the Father and the Son. My grandfather, a pastor in a small community church, had a banner above his pulpit that read: “God is love.” He believed that this was an essential truth. Not a god of war or wrath, but a god that is love. This love is nurturing, caring and complete. This love is larger than us, but one one that we could grow into.

Love and loving-kindness are natural to sentient beings. Because they are part of our primordial nature, we don’t need to acquire or construct them from outside ourselves. Instead, devotion—to a teacher, to the divine, or to life itself—can awaken the love already within us. This process has been described as a mother and child reunion—not only by Paul Simon, but in the sense that our opening heart reconnected to the primordial love that gave birth, and continues to nurture, the universe.

On a journey to developing transcendent compassion we are not seeking to possess this love. Rather, we allow it to ignite our own inner capacity for love. It is not about gaining something new, but uncovering what has always been there—our inherent ability to respond to the universe with love.

So our task is not to create love, but to liberate it. We open to it—not by striving, but by dissolving the obstacles that prevent it from flowing freely.

These obstacles show up in both our ability to receive love and our willingness to express it. Most often, these blocks are rooted in fear. Fear causes us to shut down and react from our most primal conditioning. Biologically and psychologically, this manifests in what Western psychology calls fight, flight, or freeze—and what Buddhist psychology identifies as passion, aggression, and ignorance. We are either grasping toward something, pushing it away, or dissociating from it. These reactions are not mindful; they are reflexive, often pre-conscious. They hijack our awareness before we even realize what’s happening.

Tibetan teacher Zigar Kontrul, Rinpoche and his student Pema Chödrön refer to this as “shenpa“—the experience of being “hooked.” While often translated as “attachment,” shenpa more accurately describes that moment when something grabs us and pulls us out of our natural state. Before we even choose to cling; the experience has taken hold of us.

In classical Buddhism, passion, aggression, and ignorance are all forms of desire—desire to grasp, to resist, or to escape. While it is possible to open to desire, and release the clinging, when fear is involved, our clinging is closing down.  This blocks the radiance of our natural passion and love. To love is to open—and clinging – even when we believe we are expressing our love, is actually the opposite of opening. Sometimes, the power of our love, causes us to be fearful and cling, such as when we  expresses our love through control, manipulation or aggression.

True love arises when we open to experience without grasping or avoidance. But this kind of openness is deeply challenging, even excruciating. To stay still and present while a storm of emotion passes through us requires discipline, training, and deep courage. We are learning to remain still within the fire.

In Tibetan Vajrayana, the deity Vajrayogini embodies this teaching. She is depicted as a young woman standing within flames—the flames of compassion and passion. In one hand she holds a skull cup filled with Amrita, a nectar that intoxicates fearful beliefs and allows us to let go; in the other, a curved knife that cuts through clinging. Together, these symbolize the essence of love and wisdom—complete openness coupled with sharp discernment. We open fully to love but do not cling, possess, or manipulate it. We do not run toward or away; instead, we stand still and dance within the flames.

In certain tantric rituals, such as Chöd or Tsok, practitioners visualize themselves as the deity, allowing all fear, negativity, and clinging to be consumed by the flames of compassion. In doing so, we burn away our neurosis and awaken our natural capacity to love.

On a practical level, we can trust this: we are loving beings. We are the result of love. The Mahayana ideal tells us that all beings, at some point in the cycle of existence, have been our mother—and we theirs. Whether or not we believe in literal reincarnation, the message is clear: we are all interconnected through the web of care, nurture, and compassion.

Our role is to accept love, to recognize it, to avoid clinging to it, and to offer it back to the world—without expectation. Like the rain, which falls without concern for whether flowers will bloom, we offer our love freely. And in doing so, we create the conditions for the blossoming of life wherever it can take root.

 

Right Action in the Face of Hatred

I woke up today feeling crushed. It’s odd to wake up in the sweaty arms of defeat. Then I sat for morning meditation and a personal check-in. Feelings are part of our reality—but they are not reality. They are expressions of a part of our being that is constantly changing. However, when we become triggered, our feelings solidify into narrative environments that we interpret as reality.

We freeze, believe, identify.  Then we’re off to the races as we script our story with ourselves as the protagonist, whether it be victim or hero. The more we are triggered, the more our universe feels real. But what’s real is that we are at the center of that universe. This very solid Me rolled from bed into a universe of defeat.

However, once I sat for my morning meditation and adjusted my posture, my brain changed. A posture of gentle confidence changes the perspective. Seat your ass, and your mind will follow. As my mind relaxed its grip, I could see how exaggerated feelings like fear and doubt had been obscuring gratitude, clarity and strength. I did a “check-in and simply noted what I saw and felt—without interpretation. Just so. This is what there is. Sadness, fear, anxiety. But also, calmness, clarity and gratitude.

And none of my feelings accurately predict the future.

We live in violent times, and often feel beaten down even when we’re not directly affected. Fear inflames our feelings and makes them personal. This is not new. In my childhood, progressive leaders were murdered in the streets. Four unarmed students were shot for protesting a war in which their country poured napalm on villages. The 1970s brought recession; only three decades before, a full depression. African Americans have long faced violence from neighbors, police, and their own Armed Forces. Native populations have had their cultures starved into silence. An affluent Black district in Tulsa was looted and burned—and wasn’t widely reported for decades.

Violence and ignorance have always been a part of our country’s history. It’s just more meaningful when it’s happening to us. In real time. The immediacy intensifies its impact on our nervous system. We catastrophize, lose perspective, and imagine futures we cannot know. We see only what panic shows us and miss the fullness of our actual experience. We forget that it has always been this way and for some, its has been much much worse. Take this personally is profound egotism. It’s not about only ourselves. It’s about our world, and our ability to remain strong in the face of the storm.

But, we are part of our world, and so Compassion begins with us. Not exaggerating our self importance and our pain, but activating our empathy. If we settle our heart, mind, and body, we can see past the fog of panic. By simply taking our seat and sitting tall, we access natural wisdom. That’s wisdom, not wisdoom. Not believing the worst, but seeing what there is – everything there is. Like sediment settling in water, clarity dawns. We see what is—not an exaggeration of fear.

Wisdom is seeing without judgment or expectation. This kind of seeing, beyond self-interest, is foundational to what the Buddha called right action. It’s tempting to go numb or reactive. To armor ourselves in ideology or turn away. But there’s another response. A deeper, braver one:

Compassion.

When we freeze or fight, we can pause, take our seat, and choose to respond. Compassion isn’t weakness. It isn’t blind forgiveness or passive acceptance. It’s not about being nice.

Compassion is a revolution.

Not one that screams or fights fire with fire, but a revolution of presence. A rebellion against dehumanization. A refusal to become what we oppose. It asks us to see the humanity in those who suffer—and sometimes even in those who cause suffering—without condoning harm or retreating into neutrality.

This kind of compassion isn’t sentimental. It’s a discipline. A practice. A path.

True compassion doesn’t dull our edge—it sharpens it. It helps us respond with precision and clarity. With compassion, our actions become more effective. Without it, we risk replicating the patterns we seek to dismantle. We fight fire with fire until everything is ash. With compassion, we fight fire with awareness, fierce love, and sanity.

The world doesn’t need more opinions. It needs grounded hearts. Hearts that can grieve. That can see suffering behind violence. That can stand up without being poisoned by hatred. That won’t be swayed by stupidity or false logic.

Compassion is bravery.

It’s brave to keep the heart open when it would be easier to shut it down. Brave to meet anger with understanding—not because we’re doormats, but because we’re warriors of spirit. It’s brave to weep when the world breaks, and still choose to return to our cushion, our vow to remain undaunted.

We can’t fix a world that has always been broken. But we can stay present and do what we can. Freaking out helps no one. But sitting in silence helps only ourselves. If a monk gains enlightenment in a cave and no one hears it…? It’s said the Buddha was reluctant to teach after awakening. But continual supplications, and empathy for those suffering moved him to act.

Acting from a seat of wisdom for the benefit of others is compassion.

When we feel broken-hearted, it’s not a weakness. It’s a doorway to power. If you’re angry—good. Let that fire be lit by clarity, not hatred. Let it be tempered by practice. Let it protect and uplift, not divide and destroy.

Combining stillness of our being, the Clarity of our Heart and the courage of our heart. That is warriorship. That is strength.

In this violent time, compassion is not a retreat.

It is a revolution.

A radical act of presence.

A refusal to collapse into cynicism.

So breathe.

Feel your heart.

Let yourself care.

Let that care guide your words, your actions, your presence.

The world is aching for it.

Sit your ass, and your mind will follow.

Free your heart—and the world will follow.

Or, How We Choose to Avoid The Point

If the purpose of a spiritual practice is to develop awareness and the ability to be mindful of the details in our lives, then it is crucial for us to acknowledge that we are training ourselves. Training ourselves in what regard? Training ourselves from the conditioned tendencies that promote addictive behaviors, neurotic patterns, Judgement and blame – all of which set the ground for unhappiness.

Disclaimer: Meditation practice will not eliminate unhappiness. However, it can help us develop the mindful awareness to turn unhappiness into learning.  This requires us to be willing release our objectification of the other and to take the opportunity to look at what we’re feeling. When we are triggered by something disagreeable, disconcerting, or discouraging, meditation helps train ourselves to uncouple the usual co-dependent reaction and look inward to see our part in the process, and how we actually feel. This doesn’t mean further victimization or self blame. It means looking at what we can learn about ourselves. We are the only ones we can change. It’s a fool’s game to believe we can change others to secure our own happiness. Other people are notoriously resistant to change, and relying on them for our happiness sets us up for further disappointment. And this disappointment fuels the blame game.

The blame game is a codependent cycle of suffering that happens when we fixate on another to the detriment of our own self-awareness. If we want to grow in our spiritual practice, developing the honesty to see how we create suffering for ourselves is integral. Regardless of what someone may have done to provoke our unhappiness, we can only look within to see our part. Were we expecting to much? Were we wrong about this person’s intentions? Were we duped by our own greed or neediness? These are things we would do well to understand about ourselves, because they are vulnerabilities that leave us susceptible to further suffering. If we hope to create lasting change in ourselves, blaming others, even when it seems justified, blocks self-examination.  Frankly, it’s an easy out when we latch onto blame. We avoid seeing ourselves and miss the opportunity to learn from the situation.

Honesty is admitting to ourselves that we don’t know other people’s intentions. And even if we could, what other people think about us is none of our business. That includes what we assume they think when they act in certain ways. This mental convolution too much work and is the opposite of clarity and mindful thinking. We’re lost in a hall of mirrors, trying to find what’s real, and in our frustration, we fixate on something we can be angry about or hurt over. Often, our unhappiness is rooted in various internal circumstances that are only referred to by the object of our blame.

Blame is a cop-out. It keeps us stuck on an imaginary surface while discomfort brews underneath. Rather than looking inward and learning to navigate our feelings, we focus all our anger outward. The more uncomfortable we feel inside, the more we cling to blame. Rather than looking inward at our own actions, by blaming others we make ourselves the victim and become the center of everything. When we feel badly, it often becomes all about us although we’re not seeing ourselves at all. We can either look inward with honesty and work to deconstruct our suffering, or we can lock onto the other and, so doing, inflame our suffering into an ego state. In any case, the suffering is our own. We can choose to work with it, or be worked over by it.

Blame is not honest. We either misrepresent our internal feelings or distort the truth of a situation. Therefore blame is a common tool used by demagogues and despots throughout history as they assign blame to a set of the populace or an opposing political party, in order to amass power. Blame creates an adversarial stance towards circumstances, that disallows communication and distorts reality. The blame game, so hurtful in personal interaction, becomes horrific on the global scale. We’ve seen this throughout history and we can see this happening now. But, rather than blame those who blame, a better approach is to look inside. How am I contributing to this? What can I do to help? How can I build the inner strength and balance to never be swayed or manipulated?

Mindfulness Awareness practice helps strengthen our inner core.  This helps us to deal with life’s challenges by recognizing the blame game and looking into ourselves for clarity and strength.  Then our interface with life becomes honest and positive.  No one makes us suffer except ourselves. The remedy is to return to our center. Drop the story, pull back from the attack, feel inward, and explore beneath the surface. Shifting focus from others to ourselves opens vast possibilities for self-discovery. The truth is pain exists and is no one’s fault. When we boycott blame and judgement, and look into  painful circumstances, we see they are an opportunity to take responsibility for our feelings and begin to grow.

Rather than checking out in blame, what if we simply checked in to see what we need?

IT’S BEEN HERE ALL ALONG

In meditation today, I noticed myself trying to push my mind toward where I thought it should be. This morning my mind most certainly did not comply.  As my focus wavered, ancillary stories began to surface — aging, memory, the need for better sleep. I started vetting strategies like caffeine or ginkgo. None of this was meditation. Then it struck me: my meditation had become an attempt to “fix” my mind.  Rather than simply seeing it as it is I was trying to change it. By stepping back and letting go of the pressure to fix, I allowed myself the space to simply see.

The ideal meditative state—clarity and acceptance—rests on the openness and settledness of the body, heart, and mind. However, life rarely offers us perfect conditions. For me, morning practice often begins with a scattered or resistant mind. The first step, then, is acceptance—meeting the mind as it is and not as I wish it to be.

Acceptance begins with recognition. We notice the mind’s current state— distracted, cloudy, resistant, or grumpy— and then acknowledge what we meet without judgment. This allows us to step away from struggle to control anything.  We open the door to meet our mind as it is. Instead of ego’splaining we listen. This acceptance is an act of love. We are opening our mind to accept ourselves in this very moment.  Once we accept, synchronization naturally follows. This isn’t something forced but rather a harmonious alignment that arises when we stop struggling and simply allow things to be.

Miraculously, we find ourselves in meditation.

From synchronization grows wisdom. Wisdom sees a larger process unfolding: the mind observing itself, guiding itself, and offering comfort and love to its own experience. Wisdom understands that all states of mind, even those we perceive as negative or incorrect, have value simply because they are part of us. Awareness embraces the distracted, discouraged, angry mind as colors in the painting of the present.

When we are frightened, our mind tightens in defence. When the mind tightens, it reduces what is sees to binaries such as good and evil, right or wrong. Thus triggered, the mind sections itself in order to reduce the landscape of reality into that which is controllable. Although rarely helpful, this narrowing is a natural process we need not fight. But if we don’t buy into the game, and simply listen or see, we connect to the space around the event. This allows the wisdom of awareness to resolve the binary. Wisdom never chooses a side as it holds the entire picture. Wisdom isn’t the opposite of confusion—it’s the space that contains it. This spaciousness lets us recognize, accept, synchronize, and ultimately return to the present, using tools like the breath or an object of focus with a light, precise touch. In this way, the mind naturally meets itself. And it will quite naturally allow itself to develop toward further awareness.

Once again, meditation isn’t about fixing; it’s about seeing. The mind of meditation arises in awareness like a point in space. And as the space of awareness is relieved of the pressure to fix itself or chose a side, it remains loving and supportive. It is a state of grace. By stepping into the grace of awareness, we don’t need to force change—we simply allow what we notice to be with us, remembering none of it is as real, solid or urgent as our fear suggests. Trungpa Rinpoche famously wrote, “good, bad, happy, sad – all thoughts vanish like an imprint of a bird in the sky.” Once we release ourselves from the grip of control, we see everything as ephemeral, diaphanous and in dynamic transition. Sakyong Mipham calls this the displaysive activity of mind. All of our worries are the mind revealing itself. Many of our worries are kid fears. And like kids, they need to be loved and accepted, but not always believed.

Meeting our mind is meeting our oldest ally. It’s been with us longer than any relationship we’ve had. Accepting it with the loving space of awareness we see its many colors and configurations. Sometimes it displays in black and white, and sometimes it opens into a rainbow painting.  When we return to present awareness, we are in a point in space where the colors of life become clear.

 

Stepping Past Mental Confusion.

Walking through life one breath at a time sounds very beautiful and Buddhisty. Yet to our everyday brains, it feels pretty impractical.

In a world filled with endless information and impulses, the idea of simplifying life to a single breath may seem overly reductive, especially in contrast to the overwhelming chaos of our triggered states. And while chaos is part of life these days, perhaps there is a way to navigate this chaos. Instead of trying to control the flood of thoughts and data, we can shift our focus from the mind into action. And we can take that action one step at a time. The question becomes: What is the next right step?

It is often said that action leads to clarity of mind. Action is simple. It is the next step we take, or the next breath we notice. When we remain stuck in our minds, we overwhelm ourselves with outcomes, variables, and possibilities, all echoing endlessly. But reducing this confusion to one practical step can help us move forward. Once we identify that one step, the following steps often reveal themselves naturally.

“Move a muscle and change your mind,” it is said.

When we are stuck, movement leads to clarity. But it is crucial that this movement is an action taken in confidence, and not a reaction based in fear. The key is a mindful pause, that allows us to turn the lights on, before we step. Reactions born of fear such as defensiveness, anger, or frustration only add to confusion because they are blind. They are shaped by past pain that we unconsciously relive. In contrast, the next right step is free of this conditioning. It arises consciously, rooted in the present.

So how do we remain conscious and move beyond our mental entrapment? When the mind gets lost in itself, it can feel as though we are battling others. We fixate on them, or the weather, or the traffic, demonizing any available external. Yet in truth, we are not seeing anything but our projections. This does not help anyone, least of all ourselves. To counter this, we can follow a simple process of turning the mind from itself toward the breathing body and align with the breath. The breath is reliably in the present. By coming back to the present, we turn the mind from darkened reaction, to seeing more simply and the next action often reveals itself. This pause cuts through negative, programmed reactions and allows us to take an authentic step forward—one unclouded by past experiences or future expectations. Free of impulse, this step can follow our higher self or spiritual being.

While it is important to be in the moment, each moment is leading to the next. To make this next authentic action practical, it helps to determine where we are going. If we have a commitment to work for the benefit of all beings then it becomes clear. By “all,” beings we are including ourselves. Helping others at the cost of our own wellness is not truly helpful. So, what is the next step that leads toward helpful engagement with our world?  Once we know this, the next step we take is a natural action. By natural we mean not rooted in confusion or external expectation, but what needs to be done for the benefit of everyone, including ourselves. Taking that step will clarify the next step and in so doing reveal the journey ahead. We move toward helpfulness and harmony, and away from reactive patterns that keep us entangled in life’s struggles.

But, a view of developing ourselves to be a benefit to others, also sounds Buddhisty and impractical. But, what is happening here is very practical. We are not reaching beyond ourselves, or trying to gain anything that is not already here. We are simply adjusting our view away from self-centered desires that actually are impractical. If our view is only our own happiness, than we have created a very narrow space. Happiness is dependent on other things, our livelihood, our relationships, the weather. It is actually, out of our control and largely theoretical. Real happiness comes to us. It is a product of living a life we believe in, and is connected to al beings. We are part of life on this planet, and part of the consciousness of the universe. But, this is only accessible in the present – right here, right now. And should we adopt the view that we are here to benefit our world, we are connected to a vastness that is inspiring.

Many traditions speak of karma, each with its own interpretation. In Buddhist teachings, karma reflects vast interactive forces that guide us into certain life situations, like currents in a river. When lost in the river, we cannot fully understand these currents. However, we still have choices: to fight, to succumb, or to guide ourselves through. By choosing to guide, we release ourselves from struggle, moving one stroke—or one breath—at a time, away from danger and toward safety.

If we panic, we create more waves and confusion, making progress even harder. But when we understand the right direction—away from the waterfall, for example, and toward a safe dock—we can calmly take one stroke at a time. It is not necessary to comprehend the full scope of karma to reduce its influence. Instead, by waking up and becoming aware of the present moment, we stop creating new karma through ignorance or momentum. Awareness allows us to choose the next right action, breaking free of preprogrammed reactions.

If our higher mind aligns with the benefit of ourselves and others, each step we take—each breath—becomes the next right action toward that view.

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The Four R’s: A Tool for Moments of Confusion

When confusion arises, we often try to fight through it, only to find our destination slipping further away. Instead, we can use the Four R’s:

1. Recognize the confusion. Acknowledge it without judgment.
2. Release your grip on the struggle. Let go of what is causing or worsening the confusion.
3. Return to the rhythm of your breathing. Anchor yourself in the present moment.
4. Realign with the flow of life. Allow the next action to arise naturally.

By employing this process, we can release ourselves into the natural flow of life. One breath at a time. And by training in returning to the breath in meditation practice, we are training to return to life whenever we are caught in our mind.

Working With Emotions, Healing Our World

Today is Veterans Day, 2025. I want to acknowledge all those who have served, suffered, and even lost their lives so that the rest of us may live relatively free and open lives. Veterans include not only those who served in the military, but also the families of those who died in service. However, there are many who have sacrificed for the cause of freedom and liberation within our own shores. The first black children integrated into schools, the first students who spoke out against an unjust Vietnam War, and those who currently challenge human participation in climate change, racial violence and societal hatred. With great respect for those who have served our military, I also want to recognize all who have suffered and been wounded in life, yet continue to face the world with courage.

Many of us feel shaken, frightened, and insecure these days—whether we put on a strong front or collapse wrapped in the fabric of time and space on our bed. We are human, and being human is a complex endeavor. Humans hurt, and humans heal. Hurt humans hurt humans. But healing humans, heal humans.

I work as a coach, chaplain, and teacher. And I am often on call for people in my life who need me. I don’t deserve any medals for this, because, in truth, it is very healing for me. I’ve been fortunate to structure my life around spiritual work, both individually and within communities. It allows me to take the pain I’ve endured and transform it into empathy and understanding for others. Though my pain is by no means comparable to the suffering many have faced, it has a very real effect on me. My wounds hold me back as I try and protect them behind defensive walls of blame, resentment and inebriation.

I started my journey with meditation when I was most confused about how to move forward. Each step forward seemed to be met with a step back—sometimes a frozen moment, sometimes a lashing out, sometimes a dive into extreme tequila to numb the pain of indecision. These may sound like champagne problems—or in my case, a tequila-and-cocaine problem—but it still kept me from fully participating in life. I was always healing, always beginning again, but the object of healing was undefined, so this process only supporting my impairment. It wasn’t until I began looking at the things that were blocking me that I could begin to heal.

The Buddhist path, the 12-step systems, and many therapeutic and spiritual paths encourage us to start with acknowledging the problem. For the alcoholic, that acknowledgment is simply their addiction and their powerlessness over it.  Buddhists, acknowledging the pain we endure and look at how trying to deny, avoid or struggle with that truth creates great suffering.  This acknowledgment doesn’t have to be measured against anyone else’s experience—it’s our own pain we’re recognizing. Just as some alcoholics enter recovery with what their friends might see as a minimal problem, and others are urged to enter treatment because their addiction is overt, once we step onto the path of recovery, our journeys are equal. The same is true for the Buddhist path. Once we acknowledge our own pain, we don’t have to compare it to anyone else. However, we can see commonality as we begin to see the pain in the world. Reflexively, once we see the pain in the world, we can begin to understand it more deeply within ourselves.

In healing communities, and discussion groups we are often encouraged to speak from the “I” posture. When we present grand ideas about how the world should be, we evoke resistance and counter propositions. But no one can argue when we express our true feelings about our own pain and suffering. Being honest with ourselves in the present moment, acknowledging how we are hurting, is the first step toward transformation. And by transformation, I don’t mean we will somehow escape our pain for a “better” life. Alcoholics will always be alcoholics, whether sober or not. Buddhists will always face human pain, whether enlightened or not. In fact, it’s possible that the Buddha experienced more pain after his enlightenment than he did before. Trungpa, Rinpoche said that spiritual transformation is not turning lead into gold. It is turning lead into lead. However it is lead we’ve acknowledged and understood so that we can to learn to work with it.

The Buddha’s journey began when he realized there was a world beyond the walls of his father’s palace. As a young prince, he was given every luxury and every training to succeed his father as head of the Shakya clan. Yet, there was an itch inside him—a sense of unease that even all his wealth and privilege could not soothe. Like many of us, especially in our youth, that discomfort manifested as an urge to see the world outside the palace walls. He eventually rebelled, snuck out, and was shocked by the pain and suffering he saw in the world. This sparked his desire to understand the nature of pain. The more he exposed himself to suffering, the more deeply he felt it, and it became clear that his path was not to escape pain, but to understand it—both his own suffering and that of others—in hopes of alleviating the suffering we create.

Ultimately, the Buddha realized that none of us can escape pain. But as is said, while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. We amplify our suffering by refusing to acknowledge our pain. Once we do, we can begin to process it and transform it into a tool for understanding others. Understanding others, whether we agree with them or not, is a profound purpose in life. By de-emphasizing the importance of our self-cherishing, we can look beyond the walls we build around ourselves and start to see how we can communicate, connect, and ultimately heal the world around us.

Many of us were shocked by the results of the election. Personally, this was a resounding shot across the bow of my serenity and well being. The voice of the people apparently spoke to underwrite a massive upheaval of our political self-identification.

Although Vice President Harris tried to position herself as being aligned with change, she was very much a Washington insider. The Republican vote was a clear repudiation of our country’s standard operating procedures. Among other things this vote has pushed Washington aside for a radical new approach to governance that could likely reshape our society. While there are obviously those excited by this prospect, there are many who are untrusting of this aggressive leap toward a conservative view, which is now endowed to all of us.  We are not alone. Much of the world is facing drastic swings to the right. It seems to be in the air.

Whether this is a natural swing of the social pendulum, or a reaction to unspoken fears of climate disasters and over population, the new configuration in the US seems to echo the Russian model of a strong man, supported by a like minded politi- bureau and a strong oligarchy. In our nascent form we only have one oligarch, but He is the wealthiest of all and has controlling interests already tied to the government. Some of us are very frightened by this.

But, mind can run wild. We can hark back to Germany in the 30’s, or leap forward to a frightened neo Orwellian world. Or, we can choose to stay here and n abandon ourselves or our people. The only refuge practitioners have is to rest in the present, hold space for a shifting world, and open our eyes. No matter how much we want to avert our gaze, looking directly into the eclipse may be all that we can do.  Before we take the bait and assign blame for anything, can we look inward and see if we were present and paying attention while all of this was taking place?

It’s not about Trump. He won decidedly. The senate and Supreme Court have republican majorities. Maybe the House will, as well. Most of our country seems okay with this. Maybe we’re a different country than we thought. Maybe it’s about facing today and seeing ourselves. Facing today. Can we look at this new country, as it is, without creating more chaos and exaggeration? Can we look at ourselves with love and compassion without losing our strength? Now, more than ever can we remain strong enough to be kind?

Thanks for listening. Here is a clip from post election a social post by Venus Williams:

You are awakening to the
same country you fell asleep to.
The very same country.

Pull yourself together.

And,
when you see me,
do not ask me
“What do we do now?
How do we get through the next four years?”

Some of my Ancestors dealt with
at least 400 years of this
under worse conditions.

Continue to do the good work.
Continue to build bridges not walls.
Continue to lead with compassion.
Continue the demanding work
of liberation for all.
Continue to dismantle broken systems,
large and small.
Continue to set the best example
for the children.
Continue to be a vessel of nourishing joy.

Continue right where you are.
Right where you live into your days.

Do so in the name of
The Creator who expects
nothing less from each of us.

And if you are not “continuing”
ALL of the above,
in community, partnership, collaboration?
What is it you have been doing?
What is it you are waiting for?

And please join us tonight for an open and free online discussion Facing Today beginning at 7pm.

POST ELECTION STRESS DISCUSSION TONIGHT 7PM (ET)
meeting link: https://tinyurl.com/DharmaJunkies/