Uncategorized – Page 2 – Joseph Mauricio

Posted on September 9, 2024September 10, 2024 by joseph mauricio

The Art of Changing

Say You Want a Revolution?

“You say you want a revolution, well you know, we’d all love to see the plan.”

— John Lennon

We’ve talked about stasis and change: the need to regroup, find a home base, and connect with ourselves. Naturally, this leads to a desire to move beyond that base and explore new horizons. Interestingly, I personally struggle with both the claustrophobia of a static environment and a reluctance to change it. It’s a tough bind.

Often, when we feel the itch to break away from our home base, we fantasize about a new place we’d rather be—a new partner, a new job, or even a new body that will transform us into something… what exactly? “Once I transform my body, I’ll find the job that leads to a new partner.” Meanwhile, I stay stuck because instead of tackling one thing, I’m layering conditions: I can’t do this until I do that, but I can’t do that because of something else.

Clearly, I haven’t mastered the art of change. Maybe it’s not laziness or incompetence; maybe I’m trapped in a pattern and don’t know how to break free. The first step is to settle down. Struggling doesn’t help—working does, but only in a clear direction. Instead of pursuing six different goals at once, I could pick one and encourage myself to move forward.

Are you stuck in a pattern, or even a series of patterns that feel immovable? A mindful investigation of being stuck involves unpacking and examining how we got here. What are we doing in our struggle to free ourselves, like being trapped in a Chinese finger trap? Is it productive or just uncomfortable? Let’s explore.

First, we’re in a state of non-acceptance, which triggers unhelpful struggle. Ironically, before change can happen, we must first accept where we are. One major obstacle to acceptance is our unexamined fantasies about what we think we want. I remember once trying to pursue my dream of working in independent films. Transitioning from stage and comedic improv to the detail-oriented world of film shoots—and I hated it. I also couldn’t stand the endless cycle of auditions. What I loved was being in creative flow, not the grind of auditioning.

This isn’t a judgment of those who thrive in film work, but an acknowledgment of my own discomfort. What’s important is that my fantasy was entirely different from reality. I once attended a coaching workshop with a former extreme fighter pilot who became a commercial airline pilot. He said, “My life now feels like driving a bus across a desert—endlessly, monotonously.” Reality didn’t match his childhood dream.

Fantasies aren’t reality because we don’t truly examine what they would cost us or entail. They provide a direction to head toward but aren’t the destination. As I’ve heard it said, “A fantasy without a plan is a hallucination.” Hallucinations can be interesting, but they’re not a viable life plan.

The first step in creating change is accepting where we are—not by endorsing or trying to like it, but simply grounding ourselves in reality. From here, fantasies can become inspiration, not burdensome expectations. A view of a mountain might inspire us, but it doesn’t have to be a goal we must reach—it’s just a direction.

Accepting where we are, and being inspired by new possibilities, are the first steps. Once we’ve determined our direction, we can move authentically toward that view. But to make it a reality, we have to overcome the resistance to movement. Even when we want change, parts of us—often unconsciously—resist it.

A teacher once said, “Obstacles are meant to be difficult. What kind of obstacle worth any merit would be easy?” Instead of seeing resistance as self-sabotage, it’s more helpful to understand it. Seeing where we apply the brakes without judgment helps ease the process forward. Fear of change is natural.

I’ve identified three categories of resistance: mind, spirit, and body. These are foundational in meditation, Buddhism, and yogic philosophy.

Starting with the mind, we often assume that just knowing we should lose weight, get a job, or leave a relationship will make it happen easily. But unaddressed fears and obstacles stop us. The mind can see the view, but it also needs clarity. “I want my life to change.” Okay, but what specifically do I want to change first? For me, it’s my health and well-being, including my diet, as I’m overweight. But dieting alone doesn’t work long-term—it usually backfires. That’s because the spirit or heart isn’t fully aligned with the mind’s goals.

Once the mind clarifies its wants, we need to ensure we believe in them. This requires self-reflection and doing things for personal growth, not for external validation. What do I really want?

On a spiritual level, we face early fears or unmet needs that resist change. We need to negotiate with those parts of ourselves, assuring that this change is for our best interest. This could be as simple as telling ourselves, “I love you, and this is the best step forward.” Spiritually, we must avoid negativity and self-judgment. It’s about deeply coming on board with our vision of change.

Finally, the body is the most ancient part of us, focused on survival. It resists change, even though change is necessary for thriving. This is why sticking to simple changes like exercise can be so hard. The body responds to force but often reverts to comfort.

In substance abuse counseling, a 90-day commitment to sobriety is often recommended because the body needs time to adjust. This three-month period is crucial for the body to embrace a new pattern.

The mind might think it controls the body, but the body operates on its own terms. We need to slow the mind to the level of the heart, and the heart to the level of the body, to truly enact change.

The social and political implications are clear. Before we can change anyone’s perspective, we must first understand their needs. Calling someone a fool for holding different views achieves nothing. The “other party” might not support their leader as much as they yearn for change. How can we encourage that change to benefit everyone?

Struggle can strengthen, as a butterfly gains the power to fly by pushing out of its cocoon. Change may require effort, but it doesn’t have to be self-defeating if we know where we’re going.

We’d all love to see the plan.

Posted on July 29, 2024July 29, 2024 by joseph mauricio

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Maybe It Is All About Me

Let’s discuss the elephant in the room. Specifically, that big elephant standing in the middle of everything. This ungainly creature influences and interprets all we perceive, feel taste and touch, yet remains nonetheless unregarded and unseen.

The elephant is standing guard over our precious sense of self. Its primary purpose is to protect us by surreptitiously inserting itself into nearly every situation in an attempt to control nearly everything. As one of its tools is stealth, this unseen elephant is an agent of ignorance. We don’t see it, and it sees only what it’s trained to see, which includes itself. And unless we’re retraining the mind to see clearly, we never see beyond the firewall to ourselves. Buddhist thought delineates a path of developing awareness of the elephant and all the other wildlife in our being so that we might see beyond that which controls us to our life as it is beyond unconscious interpretation. This path develops awareness, which is a sense of panoramic knowing that allows us to navigate life with ease and dignity. The more we see, the better we can care for ourselves and others. Awareness is the essence of compassion. Once we see, we are able to understand. And caring is a natural response to understanding. A life with awareness, dignity and care is a better place to live. So what is keeping us from leading that life?

In the larger picture of things, awareness sees all possibilities. However, our untrained mind does not have the ability to process all of this information. On the practical level, we need to focus our intention within that sea of information to get anything done. Our perception is localized and administered in an aspect of mind Tibetans call “sems”. Sems acts as a mental switchboard that organizes input from our 6 gates of awareness. These gates are our five sense perceptions and the mental interpretation of each. It is important that in Buddhist thinking our mental interpretation is considered a discrete sense. Most importantly, there is a difference between our raw perception and our mental interpretation and sometimes these are not in alignment. It is the purpose of meditation practice to clarify the dissonance between perception and interpretation. This is referred to as developing valid cognition. In time, with consistent meditation practice, we become aware of our mental input and learn to look beyond the elephant to see where life is leading us.

So, let’s break down the components of this elephant. The elephant stands on the notion of a “self“. At some point in human evolution we became conscious. That localized sense of perceiving began to organize itself into an entity that is aware of itself. This allowed us a vantage from which to navigate an otherwise unmanageable sea of possibility. Yet, that navigation comes at the cost of limiting those possibilities. This notion of self is a necessary limitation in order for consciousness to have a reference point. Ego is a further limitation of those possibilities. Ego happens as self-awareness becomes a self-consciousness that assumes itself to be self-existing. This assumption of “me” can become a self-referential closed loop that reduces awareness to specifically localized points of view. The ego works as a set of patterned functions that reduce what we see of the world. We conflate reality down to serviceable quanta which, in turn, are seen as a means to serve our perceived compensatory needs. These perceived needs are generated to compensate for feelings of lack or vulnerability. In other words, we see what we are conditioned to see and generate feelings that prompt reactions. We generally do this all without much investigation.

It is the role of mindfulness meditation to create gaps in this automatic process, so that we may be able to track reality. Ego solidifies the idea of itself with uninvestigated and unintentional habitual reactions and Mindfulness Meditation allows us to see through this process and unpack the mechanics of our ignorance. Therefore, by insinuating space and awareness into our life, mindfulness meditation creates an existential challenge to ego. This is why we sometimes have resistance to meditation. The gaps created by developing awareness are like cracks in the wall of ego’s fortress.

Ego is created as a protective process, however like all protective processes it is also charged with its own survival. The defensive system has become more powerful than the host it’s enlisted to protect as it serves to also protect itself. For many of us, most of the time, the elephant is running the show. And direct challenges to the elephant are met with further resistance. The way to work with the elephant is to acknowledge its value, and to encourage it to relax. Like everything on the Buddhist path we are encouraged away from antipathy and toward care and understanding. In other words, learn to love the elephant. And again we do this by knowing the elephant. What makes it tick? When is it likely to be inflamed? How can we remember it’s there? How can we learn to treat this creature with love and respect?

Unlike the majestic elephants of the wild, our egos are furiously overworked conductors trying to control streams of information. Sometimes they resort to bullying tactics. The more they are threatened, the larger – and more invisible – they become. Frightened people tend to see only themselves. And this inflammation of self into blind egotism obscures everything – and everyone – else. Narcissists seem overbearing but that inflation of self and their inability to relate to social cues are compensatory defenses for those who feel inadequate and vulnerable. That self-centeredness creates expectations that are hard to live up to. When we feel larger than life, we have so much to carry. After times that ego has arisen in our defense, we become deflated and depressed. We lay there wondering how we can actually manage getting this elephant off our chest. I call this the “Unbearable Weight of Being … Me.”

We wake up in the morning to my alarm clock, take my shower, drink my coffee just as I like it, take my car, to my job. No wonder that when I come home to my house I’m sick of myself. Buddhist teachers will say that the problem is not ego. The problem is cherishing the self. We are clinging to the idea of me and creating this weight that becomes exhausting to carry around. Sakyong Mipham says “what about me” is the incessant mantra we say first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. He went on to suggest that after all this, we should be full of joy. But, we are not. Lastly, ego is an addictive state that cries out to be fed. And the more we feed Seymore, the more it needs to feed.

The antidote is to stop. Allow a gap. Breathe out. Drop into ourselves and feel ourselves in our body. That is much closer to reality than circular, ego world building. Just drop it. Come home, and be here. This act of self love will allow the elephant to rest. When the elephant rests we can look around and see the world as it is.

WIth the room to see the world, we might find it is quite workable. In the 12-step tradition they say, becoming right-sized we see life on life’s terms. We don’t have to conflate our life, or inflate ourselves just to be here.

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Posted on April 1, 2024April 1, 2024 by joseph mauricio

REBIRTH

REBIRTH, RESURRECTION, REINCARNATION, REIMAGINING LIFE

Easter and Passover mark traditional acknowledgements of spring and the renewal of life in North American society. Nearly every other culture has an equivalent as the passing of winter into spring is a universal human experience. In temperate climates we see blooming flowers, buzzing bees and the scurry of animals in mating rituals. Ever warming days grow longer and brighter. We can feel the earth’s rebirth from her frozen dark winter. The exhilaration and relief felt by the earliest humans still echoes in our bones. Life again resetting itself.

However, we humans sitting atop the food chain often find it hard to join in the simplicity of wellbeing. Our giant brains grant us access to so much information it’s hard not to be overwhelmed. And when we feel overwhelmed have any change triggers fear. We conjure self-doubt and any number of things cooked up to keep us from simple contentment. Contentment is the gateway to wellbeing. A friend of mine recently mentioned the horses outside his home and was amazed at their ability to just stand in silence until there was a need to move. They seemed a part of everything in their stoic sovereignty. Nature has a slower rhythm and the ability to accept itself as it is. Humans may be the only form of life that truly doesn’t like itself. We’re always needing to fix something. When we’re not scurrying around trying to compete with life, we’re scurrying around our mind trying to fix our selves. I had a friend who, when we woke up in the morning, would lay frowning in consternation. A part of her mind was like a searchlight scanning the fog for danger. Once spotted, she would turn to me in excitement and a conversation, usually painful, would ensue. Much of this behavior was instigated by her extreme intelligence. She obsessed about the dangers of life, the germs, the politics, the climate, all because she could hold those things in her mind and still get thru a working day. All of her worries were well placed. But unmediated information serves to obscure the simple beauty of life. The music of life needs silence for us to hear.

Of course, it is exactly this worry over the very real dangers that arise within and around us, that has allowed our ascendency to the top of the chain. However, along the way, we have sometimes missed the love, joy and goodness that can nurture and replenish our spirit. That love is nurturing the earth all around us. This becomes evident with the passing of winter. Rituals, such as Easter, Passover, Holi in India, Songkran in Southeast Asia, the Japanese cherry blossom festival Hanami and the various iterations of the Spring Equinox celebrate the rebirth of life. These rituals employ flowers, dance, and in many traditions, of course, eggs. Eggs are the ubiquitous symbol of birth. Humorist Bill Hicks felt hiding eggs was a random way to celebrate Easter and suggested we might just as well hide Lincoln Logs to signify the story of Jesus. But painted eggs in our culture are remnants of ancient human traditions that mark the rebirth of life.

Buddhists mark Vesak on a lunar designation in May. With customary Buddhist economy Vesak serves as the commemoration of the birth, enlightenment and death of the Buddha. This is an interesting principle. It is a very Buddhist idea to see death and birth as integral to a whole understanding of life. This is perhaps echoed in Christianity with the crucifixion which is commemorated just days before the rebirth. Buddhists conflate this further believing we begin dying as soon as we are born. I saw Zigar Kongtrul teach on this at Karme Choling in Vermont. He asked the students how many had accepted death at the end of their life. About half the room raised their hands. And then he asked how many of us accepted that we were dying right now, at this very moment? Most hands lowered. Buddhists feel it is important to acknowledge our dying, because with awareness we can overcome the fear of death. Fear of death is thought to underlie all other fears. Buddhists employ practices and contemplations to slowly, over time, loosen the fearful panic we have around this inevitable part of life. In this way, if we can accept death we release ourselves to more fully appreciate life. Many of us accept death as the finality of life. But death is all around us alongside life each moment. And every life leads to another. Every breath we take is one less breath we will ever take. Yet, each moment we experience is itself dying and leading to the next moment. If we look closely at our experience, such as in meditation, we will likely see that thoughts are dying and being born continually.

Very soon after this writing, a star will explode and be visible for a time in the night sky. But this has already happened. In fact, it happened 3,000 years ago. The light from the exploding star will take that long to reach us. If we look into the sky, we are seeing the past. Some of the stars we marvel over have long passed. There are powerful telescopes that are exposing our history in the sky. Some are even seeing almost to the very birth of the universe. Yet, as though there is a cosmic firewall we haven’t yet seen it’s actual inception. So, we believe in a creator, or a big bang to make sense of life. But all we can see is there is life and there is death. There was darkness and then light. Or better said, there was no light until, at some point, there was.

So what happened before that? In fact, what happened before our present thought? Buddhist believe there are seeds planted with each thought, each life and every moment in between that lead to the formation of the next thought. As we sow so shall we reap. Apples fall to the earth, dissolve and their seeds give birth to the next tree. But, apple seeds don’t grow into orange trees. So, there is a continuum of life that is continually dying and rebirthing itself. Something is carried down through each iteration. Thus the Buddhist notion of reincarnation is a much more natural process than we realize. Something continues. However, that usual process is that we are ignorant of the process, believing there are no practical causes to the conditions we experience. But the process of enlightenment is rolling away the stone, removing ignorance, and discovering the causes and conditions of our experience. We can take responsibility for this experience and sow seeds that will lead toward compassion, caring and a grander state of being. Or, we can continue to wander through time and space randomly without the lights on.

Hindus speak of Brahma, Krishna and Shiva as the creator, sustainer and destroyer. This describes the cycle of life with each element equal and interconnected. All of this is natural and simple. However, our minds can complicate anything when we make it about “ME”. I am ME and this is all there is. And with that proclamation we give birth to ego. And as we birth ego, we destroy truth. The belief in ourselves as the center of everything eclipses any awareness of the reality to which we are connected. Because of this isolation, we are alone and searching a void for completeness. And in this way, we are creating life that is dead. The path to enlightenment is one that parts the veils of ego and brings us into the light of life. In the light, we see we are part of everything around us. We can relax as we are part of this miraculous web of life and birth and living and death. This is who we are. And when we see this, it is a rebirth. We are reimagining our life in every moment. And in this way, we are sowing seeds of goodness that will help guide the future iterations of ourselves.

Each moment is a rebirth, when we become aware. Awareness is an extraordinary thing. It is a moment of divinity. And at each moment we are aware, we are blessed by the power of the present. We can choose to be reborn in love every moment. This is not a hero’s journey. It is very ordinary. Just like life itself.

Posted on March 18, 2024March 18, 2024 by joseph mauricio

RENUNCIATION WITH OPEN HANDS

OFFERING ATTACHMENT

After years of study, training and ascetic discipline, the Buddha began a 49-day yogic meditation fast. During this time, he gained mastery over his body and attained relative mental clarity. But, as he was at the point of death, he did not have the strength to fully cross over into awakenment. Perhaps knowing that his work was not about his own accomplishment, but that his quest would be to reach a state that would allow him to help others, he broke his vow and accepted a bowl of rice from a young woman. It wasn’t until he accepted this sustenance that he had the strength to attain full realization.

Upon awakening, the Buddha saw the interwoven systems of causes and conditions that ensnare beings. Caught in an endless web of confusion, we are unable to see ourselves and are therefore unable to find a way out of the confusion. So, without a path to recovery, many of us wander in the twilight of ignorance. Trying to escape pain, we attach to false remedies, sensual pleasures and ideologies that only serve to lead us into further suffering. Strangely, this acceptance of pain and suffering had given the Buddha a deep serenity. It seems that acknowledging the problems we face is a necessary first step in calming the anxieties we experience. Taken by his deep serenity, many seekers came to him, and urged him to teach. He was unsure how to proceed until he developed a plan to speak to people as they were without the artifice of religious doctrines, social structures, or philosophical framing. He chose to start at the beginning. The first step was to recognize the common problem. All beings suffer.

Beginning with this first step, Buddha developed a system of recovery from the attachments that bind us. He urged his followers to follow a step-by-step process to loosen their imprisonment. I am a sentient being and I experience pain. The buddha taught that although pain was an inescapable – even necessary – part of life, we compounded that pain into great suffering by trying to escape it, or believing we were somehow above pain. “I’m too sexy for my suffering.” And then we feel betrayed when the inevitable happens. We blamed the world, our god, or ourselves for our pain and so created a universe of blame and retribution. Ignorance of this basic condition lead us to a variety of suffering from domestic violence to global warfare.

However, the Buddha saw there was the possibility of cessation of our suffering. Pain was inevitable, but suffering was a choice. Buddha felt it important to see where we were making that choice. If we were to train the mind to accept responsibility for our suffering, we could train our body, speech, and mind toward its cessation. Buddha then laid out an 8-fold path to liberation that led his adherents to renounce attachment to the people, places and things that kept them in darkness. Renunciation was not intended as a punishment for an original sin. In Buddhist thought, we are born perfect, but psychological and societal gravity pulls us away from our natural state. In Buddhism, renunciation is means to turn our minds from the attachments that bind us to liberation. Anything to which we are attached, we are bound to. All of us are bound to things that are important to us, such as our family. But what are the things we are attached to that take too high a toll on our freedom. What are the things in our life that keep us on a path to liberation, and what are the things that are keeping us bound to ignorance? In Buddhism we call tis learning what to accept and what to reject. And to that end, the Buddha developed a system of conduct called the Vinaya. The purpose of the Vinaya was to offer followers a structure to allow them to distance themselves from the people, places, thoughts, and things that supported their suffering. In order to recognize and renounce attachments that were unhealthy, vows were recommended to refrain from killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying and intoxication. Over the years, as the Sangha grew, and lay persons and people whose lives offered less capacity for strict adherence came to follow the path, these rules became guidelines open to interpretation. In fact, a primary principle of Buddhism is that the means should never upstage the purpose.

The Buddha taught that our lives were in transition. So, to reduce our life down to false binaries is impractical and incorrect. The point of the Buddha’s early teaching was self-liberation. The method was to follow a path toward that end. The tools helped to free us from the addiction to our attachments so we can see clearly. But the methods are intended to support the path, hence the methods are provisional. Methods are variable. They work as long as they work. But we are instructed not to mistake the finger pointing to the moon as the moon itself.

Therefore, as the Buddha’s teachings developed, the methods changed. Zen Buddhism is different from Vajrayana Buddhism, which is different from Theravada. Buddhism in the west is its own expression. The commonality to all of these expressions is that they are rooted in the belief that we are born as we should be and our lives can be led by a path positioned toward greater awareness of ourselves and our world. Each expression of Buddhism has its own methods. It is considered a rookie mistake to be an unwavering adherent to any method. Renunciation is not abstinence. Renunciation stepping back from an attachment in order to see more clearly. Sometimes this happens all at once, and sometimes incrementally. Renunciation may require abstinence in some cases. or for some period for those who cannot work safely with the person, place, or thing. There is no shame in that. But abstinence is not the point. The point is liberation. And liberation is not another jail we place ourselves in. Liberation is the vast space beyond our imprisonment that we can grow into.

Another commonality to the schools of Buddhism is the application of the middle way free of extremes. This principle suggests that we eschew violent tendencies such as devout zealotry on one hand, or the wholesale rejection of all spirituality on the other, looking instead to the sanity of the central path. We don’t have to be the first in order to prove anything, nor the last to prove we don’t need anything. To the extremist, renunciation is al or nothing abstinence. And while that may work in some cases, it is the wrong approach in many others. Buddhism is above all practical. So, we have to define where it is our path is leading. If we are heading toward liberation then slow even steps, with great forgiveness is best. Some say progress instead of perfection. Perfectionism is a great way to build ego.

So, the Buddha broke his fast to attain the strength to gain full awareness. Likewise, many Tibetan people eat meat when their metabolisms require it. There is scant vegetation at 16,000 feet and red meat is important for the long winters. And just as Tibetan Buddhists broke from some Indian traditions, so later generations who have grown up in India or the west are breaking Tibetan traditions by going back to vegetarianism. Times change. So, methods change. What thus far has remained constant is that the path begins with acknowledgment of our suffering, its cause, and the possibility of its cessation, and continues with further refinement of our experience to great understanding of ourselves and our world. Renunciation is an important tool. It is “the foot of meditation, as is taught.” But that tool is there to guide us toward all the things we might become when we’re no longer attached to the things that bind us. In this light, the 5 precepts are considered as acknowledgements for lay persons. That when strict abstinence is impractical we pause and consider. If we decide we can safely include alcohol in our lives, we might pause before each glass and remember that this is a powerful substance that requires our attention. If our intention is t o enjoy our life, we might resolve to keep our attention throughout the evening. If, on the other hand, we are not clear of our intention, then we get what providence gives us. For people who decide that abstinence is best it is not recommended that we realize that others have the freedom to make their own choices and follow their own path, remembering that abstinence is just tool for our personal liberation, not a law for the world to follow. Abstinence is a sometimes necessary shut door. It is saying no. I give this up because it no longer has a place in my life. Renunciation is an offering, an opening to the path. We offer this as a way of saying yes to everything else.

There were two monks from a strictly adherent order walking back from the market. They came upon a woman standing before a river, who was too slight to wade across. One of the monks offered to carry her over, and did so. On the other side, she thanked them and went about her way. The monks headed in the other direction and walked for a time in silence. Finally, the monk who had abstained from helping the woman was unable to contain himself. “You broke your vow by touching that woman!” he yelled, his face turning redder than his robes. The other monk smiled and replied, “I let he go back at the river. Though it seems you are still carrying her.”

Posted on March 11, 2024March 11, 2024 by joseph mauricio

PATIENCE AND TRUST

DEVELOPING ELEGANCE IN EVERYDAY LIFE

Patience and trust are talked about in many ways. But I want to look at them from an energetic perspective. How does patience feel? How does it feel when we trust ourselves?

Usually, our stream of thinking runs with a great deal of momentum. The faster we move the more we believe our intentions are right. We might push past people on the street or push through conversations trying to assert ourselves. The more we are challenged and feel triggered, the more our focus narrows and our intention becomes more important. WW become more important, at least to ourselves. Are we listening when this happens? Can we see the world around us? Or, is our inner story eclipsing the outer reality?

With meditation practice we gain familiarity with ourselves and come to notice red fl

ags in our hurried speech or tightening body. These are known respectively as mindfulness of speech and mindfulness of body. Over time we learn to slow down enough to carry that mindfulness through to action. We are able to recognize these flags as reminders to pause. In this way we are developing mindfulness of life. Mindfulness thrives when we allow gaps in our momentum. And while a pause or gap feels irritating to our momentum driven ego mind, when we train in meditation, we are training to honor these gaps and employ them to allow space for more clarity. It doesn’t mean we are wrong or are admitting defeat. In fact, the pause may better allow us to present our case in a way it can be heard. It may also allow the other party room to respond themselves. This is a hard sell when we feel threatened, so it takes trust in ourselves. In time, we begin to trust the patient pause as we learn to trust ourselves.

In order to develop mindfulness in life, we train in two principles, patience and trust. We develop patience with ourselves when we feel when things are off and have the trust that pausing, and acceptance are needed. We develop the patience to allow space in our life, which includes patience with others. Patience allows gaps that afford us greater awareness. By not trying to control situations, we are in control of ourselves. This takes confidence, and confidence is born of trust. When we trust ourselves, we can let go and allow the space for mindfulness. When we are mindful, we are trusting enough to allow the game to come to us. With patience we are not reacting. With trust we are developing the confidence to allow the process to unfold organically.

However, trusting ourselves is not always easy. We tend to put so much pressure on ourselves we could never reach the ideal. We think perfectionism is a means to help us excel, but as perfection is unattainable it means we ar

e always failing. What we are really doing when we don’t have patience with ourselves is learning to fail. This erodes our confidence. It is hard to trust someone who sees themselves as a failure. So, we try schemes to compensate. Maybe we rush through life so no one will see the truth. Maybe we’ll rush to judgement of others before they can judge us. Thus, life without trust engenders self-consciousness rather than self-awareness. We are so worried about ourselves we don’t have time or space to see anyone else. Therefore, we don’t trust them either. We might make up for this lack of confidence with narratives of bravado. We might develop such defensive strength that we actually control some aspects of our lives. We might bully others into compliance. But that is not confidence. And that is not leadership. Humans are mammals. Mammals tend to follow true leadership. A wolf can sense right through to someone’s fear no matter how brave they act. And other people smell the weakness in us even when we are puffed up and exaggerating. And that exaggerated ego defense has no patience. And it is so important it has no time.

The remedy is to turn our self-consciousness into self-awareness. We learn to see ourselves and, in time, that familiarity gives us a practical connection to ourselves and our world. Instead of worrying what might go wrong, we begin to see what is going right. It is said, we don’t learn from our mistakes, we learn from our wisdom. Granted, sometimes mistakes can lead to wisdom, but our wisdom is what allows us to see better options and braver choices. Our wisdom reminds us of the value of patience, and the paucity of pretense. And when we recognize our wisdom, we see that everyone has this. All life is an expression of wisdom. Sometimes people don’t recognize theirs because we use the wrong parts of our brains. Wild animals trust themselves. Flowers, bees, and trees trust themselves. Nature is fine being as it is. Except us. Humans are the only form of life that hates itself. And as it sits atop the food chain, it has only itself to fear and attack.

It is the work of mindfulness training to give us the practical connection to reality. How it feels, how it smells, what we hear. All these points of contact allow us true confidence. This confidence allows us to trust ourselves and our world. And this trust allows us to raise our head and pause our momentum long enough to be patient. Patience allows us to synchronize with the natural rhythm of life.

In this way, we are learning to rule our world with the benevolence and kindness of a true leader.

Posted on March 4, 2024March 4, 2024 by joseph mauricio

AWAKE IN TROUBLED TIMES

CREATING THE SAFE SPACE OF LOVINGKINDNESS

Living in turbulent times we sometimes find it challenging to remain present. This may be because living in our turbulent minds it’s equally hard to be present. Yet remaining present is the key to actually participating in life. Life is significantly more rewarding when we are an active part of it. Significant pathologies exist when we withdraw isolation from our lives. On the other hand, connection can be seen as its antidote. Connection to each other, connection to our world, and connection to ourselves, though sometimes challenging, is what heals.

However, remaining present opens us to a lot of pain. If we are willing to be active participants in our life, we are opening ourselves up to suffering, irritation, and frustration. These days life is acutely panic inducing. Who needs horror movies when we can watch CNN? “War and rumors of war”. With climate change, poverty, the rise of racist populism, it feels like Armageddon. Armageddon as told by Steven King. Horror novels, stories and movies have long served a purpose in society as a way of fictionalizing the societies current anxieties. In this way, we were distant enough to feel like we had control. In the 50’s radioactive monsters helped to work out society’s anxiety over the bomb. Throughout the years Hollywood served as therapist to process fear over alien invasion in the 60’s, mind control in the 70’s, and random homicides in the 80’s. The 90’sbrought the immense popularity of vampires and zombies and it seemed we were working through our fear of death itself. Currently, true crime and crime procedurals are all the rage.

Why would we bother with the walking dead or dateline when we can just look out the door or even into our own bedrooms? Maybe because when we know it’s “only a movie” we feel protected. But, when it’s real life, our own government under siege, our forests burning, and our own life threatened, there is no buffer. Or maybe we create that buffer by blame. ‘Climate change is a leftist conspiracy. ‘Crime is due to immigrants.’ Maybe it’s the left, or maybe it’s the right. But blame often does what movies do. It distances us with fiction.

Our human race is suffering at an alarming rate. How can we remain sane? Do we compartmentalize our compassion and caring only for our own neighborhoods? What happens when our neighborhood is under attack? Historically, nations fall when people stop looking. The royalty look the other way while people are starving at their gates. Hospitals give sub-standard service to those who cannot pay, good-minded people throughout history have turned their eyes from the persecution of their own acquaintances in order to live in the bubble they have created. We turn off the news when it’s about Gaza again. We’re tired of Sandy Hook. It’s too much already. There must be someone to blame. Poor Lucifer. He gets kicked out of paradise and then blamed for everything we do.

But blame is blind. And if we are to wake up in our life, blindness is a problem. How can we stay present, and still remain healthy and sane? We are all victims to the vicious ignorance of the times. But we need not be defeated. It is important that we remain engaged, and yet protected from the suffering. If we are defeated by our feelings, then we are no help to anyone. The development of True Compassion is key. “True” Compassion is not the dissociative grasp of wishful thinking (“it’ll all be good in the end”) nor the self-immolating hand wringing of narcissistic masochism (“it’s all so horrible it’s all about me”). True Compassion is effective caring. It is effective because it is present and realistic. It is caring that is actually helpful, which is about balance. So, how can we stay empathetic and remain balanced? Meditation theory would suggest that being fully present is key. Not just mentally present but being present in body and spirit as well as our mind. It does little good to force our mind to be compliant when our heart is aching, And, as we know from meditation training, we don’t force ourselves into the present, especially when the present is not a place that’s easy to be, but we train our mind to return to the present. “When you lose our mind, come back” my teacher says. We can do this without recrimination or judgement. Of course we might run away from pain. But, in order to transform that pain into a healthy connection, we can gently guide ourselves back. But this is most effective if we address our full being. Our body and spirit as well as our mind. The mind will not stay present for long while the body is tapping its toes urging us to run.

In order to develop true compassion, we train in the 3 essentials. Body, mind, and heart. We train mind to remain watchful, the heart to be empathetic, and the body to be free of self-affliction. My teacher says, “may my body be firm, my heart be open, and my mind awake.” This seems a tall order, but in fact, it gives us 3 ways to work with being present. Firmness of body means that we are aware when our body unconsciously tightens in anxious pain. We often clench too quickly to avoid this, but we don’t have to fix ourselves there. We can train to come back and be present and that awareness cuts the momentum of unconscious panic. Our breaking heart does not have to break us. It can remind us of our humanity. When we become aware of our own pain, we are reminded that we are human and it’s okay to be here. Our raging fearful mind can learn to quiet itself and see clearly. Instead of looking for a solution, or fabricating an answer to an overwhelming life problem, we can remember it may not be our job to fix anything. Instead of looking to fix what we imagine, we can remember to see what is. Body relaxed, heart open and mind awake. That is the 3 bodies of a buddha. The two keys here are remembering to return and knowing we don’t have to fix anything or anyone. Nor do we have to fix ourselves. We can train to relax and be.

This post is about the practical difference between action and reaction. When we are provoked, stimulated or triggered the mind quickly engages and wants to then enlist the body in action. The mind, for all its potential, is fundamentally a defensive tool. It enabled us to out-strategize and out-maneuver predators. And once securing our safety, this instinctive mind turned to conquering its own prey. Fearful and yet on the attack. This vicious cycle of life is programmed deeply within us in order to protect us and to ensure the procreation of our race. And it has worked well. Humans have become the most successful species on the planet. We are so high atop the food chain we have only ourselves to consume. However, we also eat our vegetables, as we are devouring the planet and its forests, as well. We have survived! But surviving is not thriving. Our reactive / defensive mind has kept us alive, but for what purpose and at what cost? If our life’s purpose is to keep alive then all we have to look forward to is fear.

Surviving can be seen as the reactive defensive mind’s preeminent purpose. Thriving, on the other hand, is when the mind has the ability to relax and open enough to respond to life. Defensive mind is about separation and rejection. Thriving mind is about connection and conversation. In a conversation or communication with life, we are empowering the mind’s higher purpose. The defensive mind is here to protect our higher being. However, if protection is all we have then reaction is our only option and reaction happens so quickly so reflexively so immediately that we’re actually stuck in a limited binary black and white movie. While the defensive mind is necessary, it is not intended to lead us. We are destined to much more. With mind training, our body learns to pause the process of impulse / reaction long enough to create space for our higher mind, and its executive functions to open and see.

Training in the 4 foundations of mindfulness, body spirit, mind, and life, allows us to recognize when we are out of balance. When we are out of balance, we are like an American football quarterback throwing off their back foot. Our inaccurate desperation throws might randomly land, but likely won’t. When we are reacting, our eyes are closed. We are squinting and hoping for the best. The antidote to this panic / reaction is employing meditation training to offer us the gentle space of Lovingkindness. We are learning to not push anything away. We are learning to recognize our triggers not reacting. THIS IS ACTUALLY HUGE! Most of the time we don’t have to do anything at all, but be present. In this way, we are training ourselves to smile openly at the edges of life. Our fear is there to protect us – not control us.

The key is developing surety in our commitment to remain present whenever we can and to return as quickly as we can when we are not. The gentle insistence is how we combat the aggression of our world. Does that sound impractically pollyannaish? Confucius would remind us that the gentle persistence of the river will cut through a mountain over time.

Just come back. Don’t be forced by the body. Just come back. Don’t be fooled by the mind. Just come back. Don’t be broken by the heart. Just come back. Come back here to life in all its truth, whenever you can, as often as you can. In this way, it is inevitable that, in time, you will also see the great good in your life.

Maybe returning to the present in troubled times, is our payment for receiving life’s blessings.

Posted on February 5, 2024February 5, 2024 by joseph mauricio

PROGRESS ON THE PATH

The OG yogis, in their old-school yoga days, referred to their path as leading to the perfection of human experience. Okay. But what is meant by perfection? And according to whom and what metric?

A worldly path to perfection is quantifiable in comparison to our world. As vicious as it may be, it is comforting to judge our progress with standard quantifiable metrics. Are we becoming richer, thinner, or more popular? Do our peers turn their heads in admiration, or avert their glances in disdain? Whenever we have the wherewithal to stop and look, are we able to see our world? Or do we only see how far up the ladder we are?

And where the heck does that ladder lead anyway?

Progress on a spiritual path is not perfect at all. It is based on reality. But our mind needs to be trained to see reality. It needs to be disabused of believing in incremental progress toward a perfected state. While a material path may be leading to a defined sum, the spiritual path leads to being here. And here is a very changeable state.

We can become misled if we measure the path by worldly benchmarks. A worldly path leads to material accumulation. Materialism refers to anything we believe is real, that can be quantified, and that we cling to in order to enhance our personal value. However, reading the fine print on this contract, we see that by placing these things above us, material things become our overlords. This is true of money. Is our money working for our life, or are we living for money? This is also true of our beliefs, such as believing in spiritual attainment as though it was a thing that gave our life meaning. Our life gives spirituality its meaning. Which is to say a spiritual path leads to life. From this point of view, progress on the path is seeing where we really are in life. Are we more connected to our life, our family, our own mind? Or are we retreating into the fantasies of an ego state as we try to attain some vague thing that we believe will save us?

Progress on a wisdom path is letting go into what is here. It is living with acceptance that worldly metrics are not reliable and that our value comes from how deeply we understand our own mind and being. Are we clearer now? Are we more aware of our feelings? Are we able to be present in our life? Do we experience joy in life independent of any material cause? Are we able to experience negativity without deflecting the feeling with blame, or deadening it with substances? How much are we able to simply be?

It is said that the journey is the goal or the path is the fruition. Where are we going? Right here. When will we get there? Now. Our goal is the progressive stages to be here. And realization is happening all the time. The idea of perfection is an ego fantasy that keeps us from trying. WE WILL NEVER GET IT RIGHT! Nor will it ever be perfect. The idea of perfection is lazy science. Do we even know what perfect means? Maybe it’s just an excuse to berate ourselves. Or is it an excuse not to even try?

The spiritual path is never straightforward. The development of wisdom in our life simply will not conform to the linear way our egoic mind conceives it. If our view is to develop wisdom, remove the veils of ego deception and be more helpful to our world, and if we are willing to train our minds to get there, then we can see our progress by learning to look with acceptance and love. One of the tools of mind training is to learn to see ourselves. And seeing is an experience. When I am thinking about where I am with judgement, then it is an ego qualification that, by nature, will always lead to dissatisfaction. But when I see myself with loving acceptance I see that I have come a great way. I see how much more caring I am, and how much clearer I am. It is very good to give ourselves a break. We are already wisdom beings.

We are already here. Progress is how much we see.

Posted on January 22, 2024January 23, 2024 by joseph mauricio

THE UNRELIABLE WITNESS

We are not what we think.

This is frequently heard in meditation circles. The path of meditation serves to uncover the fickleness of our thought process so that we can see beyond ourselves. Our thoughts don’t define us, as much as keep us entertained. If we give ourselves over to the path of meditation, we might end up finding there is more to ‘me’ than we thought.

Many of us want to change. We feel if we can do this, or adopt that, drink this, or stop eating that, life will be better. WE will be better. However, if we have pre-conditions as to what change should be, we will likely change into versions of what we know. Instead of allowing change to change us, we want to control the outcome. But nothing in life is entirely as we expect. When I stopped drinking I had very grand ideas of how I would improve. I thought I needed these expectations for motivation. I will be thinner without the calories, I will be clearer in my life goals, I will make more money. Naturally, as expectations set up discouragement, grand expectations are the precondition for great disappointment. So, like many, so often, I fell off the wagon in frustration. I would build myself up only to be let down. And this led me back to the same patterns for comfort. Whether I was so amazing or disheartened, this game kept spinning until finally my discouragement led me to just crash and, in exhaustion, just stay there. Once I got over the shock of not having the old pattern to rely on, I slowly began to see a life beyond my expectations. And it began and ended right here on the earth.

I saw what my Buddhist teachers were always pointing toward, that life was beyond my ability to control or define. That was the bad news and the good news. Rather than living out the patterns of my conditioning, life became more about discovery. Instead of believing that my ideas were real, I could STFU and see what was actually happening. Life from the vantage of my cushion was clearer. There is an old saying “disappointment is the chariot of liberation”. As much as it hurts to hit bottom, if we are patient and willing to stay with ourselves, we might begin to see life more clearly. The path of meditation practice is one of removing the scales, or dropping the veils, that obscure reality. We become quite taken with our powerful minds. Mind is an amazing tool if we are able to access our higher power and see the fluctuations of our thought process. It could be said that even our mind is not what we think. It is much more than that. However, we limit its potential by iterating the reiterations of our thoughts again and again. But while our mind is vast, our thinking brain is only seeing what it has been conditioned to see. How much do we believe what we’ve been taught? And, while much of that serves us well, it is simply not all there is to life. When a student of Trungpa, Rinpoche asked a particularly complicated and confused question he would lovingly say “it seems you are not a reliable witness.”

Really? but this is my life and my mind! I’ll do it my way! Well, okay then, but don’t complain when the outcome is always the same. And while we’re tightening the grip on our opinions, we fail to see that opinions keep changing. We fall in love with that perfect person only to realize this was not the one. We might move from town to town, or change our room or our hair color trying to define that illusive “me”. We go from remedy to remedy to staunch the same wounds. We keep eliciting people in our lives to help us work through the same scenarios. Caught in the turbulence of needs, wants and desires we believe anything that will keep us from crashing. But, maybe crashing is just what we need. Maybe we need to hit bottom.

When asked about enlightenment, Trungpa said it may be at our lowest point. We fancifully think of a sage on the mountaintop or a bearded all know it all in the clouds. But maybe liberation is right here. Letting the ego jenga fall around us so we can begin to see what is there. The path of meditation is said to lead to “valid cognition.” We begin to boycott the hall of mirrors of our discursive mind and step past the veil into seeing things are they are. And that cannot be predetermined. How could it? Once we step from telling and retelling ourselves what other people have told us to tell ourselves, we might see life enfolding in real time. In meditation practice, everytime we recognize our distraction, and come back to the breath we are pushing the veil aside. In time, as we stop believing in the dramas, we can just let the veil be. When we realize it’s not real we can smile at the fabrictions we create. Smile and let go. Smile and return to the breath. Sakyong Mipham refers to this as the “displaysive quality of mind.” It is the mind displaying its creativity. The idea is to let it go, so that the display can be fresh and creative. Thoughts are like rainbow paintings. Watercolors on a rainy sidewalk. They can be quite beautiful. They can be frightening. But they can’t hurt, if we don’t believe them. Thinking is a radio in another room. If I believe it’s about me I’m holding on to the airwaves. I’m making the display solid. And that kills creativity.

Believing our thinking is a rookie mistake. It’s spiritually naive. If we keep recognizing we are caught, and returning to what is real right now, in the present, we will begin to stabilize the mind. Stability of mind is the requisite condition for clarity. When we see clearly, we know what is. And that is ever changing. And rarely ever what we expect.

Posted on December 11, 2023December 13, 2023 by joseph mauricio

UNCOVERING THE WOUND

A slow uncovering of the wounds that bind us, is an apt description of the path of compassion. Understanding and transforming our pain is a common motivator for the path. Many of us came to the path because we were in pain. There is nothing like a broken heart to introduce us to meditation. But once that heart has mended, or once we get tired of that broken song, what is it that prompts us to continue on the path?

It is said that the path of compassion is a continuous journey that demands cognizance on every step. If we are interested in developing true compassion then daily maintenance is our commitment. We are constantly learning, uncovering, and transforming our inner lives so that we can be of greater service to our world. And, this is an ongoing process. We may never get “there” – wherever we think “there” is. Doctor King saw the mountain. And in one of his more heartbreaking moments said, I might not make it with you. The point of his journey was not personal accomplishment, but his great contribution to humankind. He was part of a stream of understanding that flowed from the source of human kindness and when he left, that stream continued. Many will say that the stream of kindness has been dammed by the sediment of self-interest. But, the path of true compassion endeavors to see the larger picture. There has always been wounds and there has always been kindness. It’s important to see that the pain and suffering in the world is caused by its wounds, not by an inherent evil. The “Lion’s Roar” is the fearless proclamation that all life is workable.

So how can we help anyone, when we ourselves are wounded? We talk about “opening the heart”. But what does that mean? Usually, this statement evokes feelings of empathy, communication, and kindness. But doesn’t opening the heart also release the pain that we have been protecting and the suffering we are protecting ourselves against? When we began the path our wounds were the source of antagonism and aggression. In an attempt to protect ourselves from a future projection of past violence we struck out against actual or imagined danger. However, it may be that these wounds are also the source of empathy, communication, and kindness. The “Lion’s Roar” may be that the wounds we guard in embarrassed secrecy may be our gateway to compassion. When we have worked the path of self-discovery, we get what it is to be human. And because of this, we understand what humans need. Opening the heart is simply relaxing the protective tension with which we gird ourselves. As this cocoon is protecting us from real, imagined or remembered pain, we must respect it. Opening the heart is not about aggression at all. Opening the heart is acceptance and release.

Coeur is the word in French and Old English for heart. Courage is to have heart. Courage is the bravery to open carefully and slowly with great respect. Our meditation posture is an expression of this bravery. In the Shambhala tradition we call this wariorship. But it is not warriorship based on war. It is not courage based on arrogance. Nor is it a denial of anything at all. It is simple uncovering and acceptance of who we are and the willingness to face that when we are able. And when it all gets too much? We retreat. But, retreat in this case is not defeat. It is a conscious pause to allow creativity and intelligence to enter. With this mindful pause, we can respond to the difficulties of life rather than react to them. In this way the warrior stands tall with the bravery to feel their pain and their joy without believing that pain is a punishment or happiness a reward. The warrior is willing to face life as it happens. This is non-theism. We don’t demonize our suffering nor don’t exalt our joy. There is goodness to everything under the sun. Including that which hides in the shadows. For when we accept our pain, sadness and suffering, we might find an openness for creative expression.

Pema Chodron speaks of suffering as having created a wound in our heart. All of us have those wounds. Pema suggests that we cover the wound to protect it, as we would a physical wound. However, with a physical wound we remove the bandaid for it to heal under the sun. But emotional wounds often remain covered, and so healing is compromised. We become embarrassed of the wounds, somehow believing we are the only ones. Because they don’t heal in the shadows, the wound becomes sensitive to touch. We are constantly bumping into the wound, and flincing through life trying to protect ourselves from the pain. This creates more suffering. Yet, the saddest part of this is how we are denying the very thing that makes us unique. No one notices perfect trees in the forest. We notice the trees that are gnarled and curled from lightning, bent by wind or darkened by fire. These trees have character. And our pain gives us character. Lightning struck trees don’t feel embarrassed about themselves. Nor do three legged dogs. Nor do blues musicians, or poets as they express their pain. Is there a form of life on earth that judges itself as much as humans do? There is a song by The Big Moon that goes “trouble doesn’t last forever. The trouble is that memories do.”

Rather than run from our wounds, we can carefully, slowly, allow them expression. Rather than react with hatred, shame and discouragement, we might allow our suffering to connect us to all who are suffering. This is not easy and it takes daily, manual practice, but acceptance of the wound will give us a presence that cannot be faked. In the Shambhala Tradition we call this Authentic Presence. While everyone has suffered, no one else has our own wounds. They have made us perfectly who we are. Thus our wounds connect us to everyone, but also makes us very specifically ourselves.

But we would do well to encourage our opening slowly with great care. In the AA tradition they say, “may you have a long, slow recovery.” We are the basis of the path to compassion. May we discover ourselves slowly with great love.

Here is an aspiration:

May I never outrun my pain, so that I remain humble.

May I not hide from my fear, so I may remain aware.

May I see what I have suffered as a sign of strength, rather than weakness.

May I stand here in the midst of myself and remain open to all I can.

_________________

todays images are by EMMA RUTH RUNDLE

https://www.emmaruthrundle.com/visual-art

and YUKO TATSUSHIMA

https://images.app.goo.gl/YzGYQJgVBWFrWuaG8

please discover more from these brave women

Posted on November 27, 2023November 27, 2023 by joseph mauricio

PATIENCE

The Majesty of Patience

Patience is the path of grace. A mountain rises over millions of years, but its power is in the waiting. In its time a mountain creates wind, directs weather, experiences deadly conditions and extreme energy, yet the mountain is seemingly still. It serves to inspire and guide us. It is not hurrying or competing. And should we be drawn to climb the mountain; haste would not be in our favor.

Tibetan Buddhist masters say that speeding through life is a fundamental disregard for our existence. Speed is anxiety based and causes us to rush forward damning anything that gets in our way. And once something does get in our way, the collision happens too quickly for a sane response. We become incrementally more important to ourselves the more pressured we feel. “Get out of my way! I’m late for my meditation class.” We become very important to ourselves when we feel pressured. We yell at the dog or tell the kids to leave us alone or otherwise react in ways that are not helpful. We have this great responsibility, with very little time to process our actions. I have a job I have to get to; I am important dammit! This is not living with dignity. This is not only unkind to those hurt by our reactivity, but it is unkind to ourselves.

A kinder, and vastly more productive, approach would be to employ mindful awareness to relax into a flow state that optimizes our experience and honors our existence. We are able to stand up and hold ourselves with dignity and grace. I had a teacher that suggested I slow down enough to move quickly. This is pausing just enough to synchronize with our mindfulness and awareness. Then when we are interrupted, we can respond intelligently with consideration. We say considerate because we are considering a fuller situation before we react. When our mind is racing, we don’t have time for that we’re rushing down the street late for work and pushing people out of the way or cutting off cars on the road, without any regard for the basic human relationships that make us feel confident and strong. The more we push our life out of the way so we can force our agenda the more we are robbing ourselves from the fundamental sustenance of our life. That sustenance can only come from being grounded. It’s as if we’re pulling the nutrients up from the earth. But we can only do that if we’re synchronized with the earth. When we are synchronized, we are present, and the game slows down. We see that we have more options than the panicked reactions that come from speed would reveal. When we are grounded, we are able to consider more helpful approaches.

One thing that blocks the flow state for us is this feeling that we are pressured and have to make an immediate decision. We have to act immediately without pause, without thought, without consideration. When we’re running late, miss the train and we’re delayed another 8 minutes we stand on the platform looking up at the clock, tapping our feet. The speed and constriction that we become addicted to slams us into survival mode. Our options are reduced to fight flight or freeze. When something stops our momentum, we either lash out, run away, or freeze in a PTSD trance. The remedy is to boycott reaction, pause and breathe. Feel your feet on the ground. Come back. Then we can respond.

Patience is not holding us in white knuckled tension waiting for the storm to pass but actually slowing down and opening our heart. In this way we create a loving space between thoughts and reaction. We enact a gentle pause for consideration. When we are here and now, breathing, with feet on the ground, the space opens up, the game slows down and options beyond reaction are naturally revealed. Looking at patience from a practical point of view we can see it less as a pejorative or limiting action and more of a forgiving and opening. Rather than shutting ourselves down into a reaction, we are opening up to space. If we relax and create a gap before our next action, we are able to bring awareness into the situation. We are doing something healthy for ourselves and helpful to the circumstances.

Patience is a pause that opens to the light of awareness. Rather than reacting from our base mind circuitry by becoming conscious of breathing, we’re able to redirect the energy to invoke our higher cognitive processing ability, accessing our executive reasoning. We become considerate, or compassionate. We are able to look at the bigger picture and perhaps find a response different that our reaction. We are able to create a space for communication. Now I’m not saying we should become Gandhi. What I’m suggesting is that we pause long enough to be able to actually have a considered response. It might be offering some counterpoint, it might be walking away, or it might be simply waiting in space until the next right action becomes clear. Once we make an offering of our anxiety our fight flight freeze reactions are transformed. We’re using the same mechanism of reactive mind but because we’ve paused and synchronized, we’re able to use these impulses with executive reasoning. Fight turns into expressing our point of view, flight may be that we can walk away. Retreat is not surrender. Retreat is simply stepping back to regroup. And freeze might simply be resting here. This is not a PTSD trance state where we can’t move but a loving pause where we have the option to do nothing but remain present. Not to react, but just simply to wait. And that waiting is the essence of patience. If we learn to pause when we’re triggered, we might find that we’re more patient at stop signs, more patient in the subway and more patient with our life.

The fundamental work is recognizing, returning, and resting in our meditation so that we have built these tools in our life. In this way, awareness is the loving space that allows us to see the appropriate response. All we need to do is train in this. We don’t have to figure it out on the spot. It’s not on us. We don’t have to prove we’re right. We can just recognize the flashpoint and then remove the pressure. We can offer our anxiety, panic, and aggression. We can offer the assumed mental pressure of disempowerment and receive the natural patience of a mountain.

We can rest on the earth where we belong.