GRATITUDE is not only a nice thing to feel, it is a powerful spiritual practice. It is a way of opening to the world with positivity and love. Yet, gratitude is all too often lost in the pressures of our materialistic world. This kind thought doesn’t hold much value to the self-mesmerized ego-mind. Ego whispers that the world has taken so much from us we need to grab some back. Its dangerous, these whispers opine, to acknowledge the kindness the world has offered us. Perhaps we might jinx it, or maybe we’ll weaken our position.
Frequently objects of gratitude lie hiding among the negative circumstances of our lives. We’d never want to acknowledge how much an adversary might have helped us. And while bias against seeing the value of painful places seems understandable, withholding our gratitude for the things we learned or the places we benefited, robs us of enacting its healing power. While being grateful to someone might help them, it always helps us. Gratitude is an opening of the heart that allows energy to flow from our spirit to the spirit of the universe within another. We are communicating on the heart level by feeling grateful to those who have cared for us. And while undoubtedly, many have cared with pure intention, gratitude also works for those who have helped imperfectly, or who have aided our journey in the course of causing us harm. The well-known Mahayana Buddhist slogan “Be Grateful To Everyone” suggests that even those who have harmed us have given us cause to develop compassion. And, while it may seem a tall order to feel grateful to those who have hurt us – and it may be impossible in some cases – when we are able to offer this kindness, it feels as if a great burden was lifted. We no longer have to be weighted down in the mire of our resentment. We can offer an adversary whatever kindness and forgiveness our heart can offer and release ourselves for the constant tit-for-tat legering of ego. Let it go.
Let it go if not for the other’s sake, then for our own. When we are able to look through the eyes of gratitude, we notice more of the world, and we begin to see how much of that world has been part of a cradle of loving kindness that has sustained us. Many of us have built self-limiting stories about how we were short changed by our families, abandoned by friends, or hurt by society. And while there may be truth to all of this, where in those scenarios might we recognize kindnesses that were bestowed. These kindnesses do not negate cruelties or indifference, but they can certainly be added to the equation adding more light, hope and possibility to our self-story.
When things go well, we feel blessed. But sometimes that creates an assumption of awesomeness on our part. It’s very healthy to feel awesome when things go well for us, but do we need to have each victory build our ego beyond reasonable dimensions? LIke resentments, egoic awards are weighty and unwieldy to carry. One way to cut the advance of ego appropriation is to acknowledge the goodness of those who contributed to our victory. One way to set ourselves up for failure and disappointment is to assume it was all our doing. In the 12-step traditions, they mention the power of self-will as being a self-centered way of making our relationship to the world all about ourselves. This might feel powerful to ego, but this impenetrable castle is a sad and lonely place to be.
The truth of karma is that nothing is ever only about us. Life is a confluence of causes and conditions that come together every present moment. Many of these moments may have been negative and due to our ingrained negativity bias we sometimes allow this to overshadow the preponderance of goodness that has sustained us. But there has ever been goodness that has sustained us. Tibetans refer to “Tashi Tendril”, which means interconnected good fortune, or auspicious coincidence. It is the idea that we are recipients of a network of goodness that has created and sustains us. It is fundamentally good that we are here and very good that we are connected to the goodness of others.
The practice of meditation in the Shambhala Buddhist tradition is a process by which we are beginning to open our eyes to the goodness in the world, and the goodness in ourselves. When I acknowledge gratitude in a given instance, I am opening my heart to see more of the goodness in the world.