DEVELOPING ELEGANCE IN EVERYDAY LIFE
Patience and trust are talked about in many ways. But I want to look at them from an energetic perspective. How does patience feel? How does it feel when we trust ourselves?
Usually, our stream of thinking runs with a great deal of momentum. The faster we move the more we believe our intentions are right. We might push past people on the street or push through conversations trying to assert ourselves. The more we are challenged and feel triggered, the more our focus narrows and our intention becomes more important. WW become more important, at least to ourselves. Are we listening when this happens? Can we see the world around us? Or, is our inner story eclipsing the outer reality?
With meditation practice we gain familiarity with ourselves and come to notice red fl
ags in our hurried speech or tightening body. These are known respectively as mindfulness of speech and mindfulness of body. Over time we learn to slow down enough to carry that mindfulness through to action. We are able to recognize these flags as reminders to pause. In this way we are developing mindfulness of life. Mindfulness thrives when we allow gaps in our momentum. And while a pause or gap feels irritating to our momentum driven ego mind, when we train in meditation, we are training to honor these gaps and employ them to allow space for more clarity. It doesn’t mean we are wrong or are admitting defeat. In fact, the pause may better allow us to present our case in a way it can be heard. It may also allow the other party room to respond themselves. This is a hard sell when we feel threatened, so it takes trust in ourselves. In time, we begin to trust the patient pause as we learn to trust ourselves.
In order to develop mindfulness in life, we train in two principles, patience and trust. We develop patience with ourselves when we feel when things are off and have the trust that pausing, and acceptance are needed. We develop the patience to allow space in our life, which includes patience with others. Patience allows gaps that afford us greater awareness. By not trying to control situations, we are in control of ourselves. This takes confidence, and confidence is born of trust. When we trust ourselves, we can let go and allow the space for mindfulness. When we are mindful, we are trusting enough to allow the game to come to us. With patience we are not reacting. With trust we are developing the confidence to allow the process to unfold organically.
However, trusting ourselves is not always easy. We tend to put so much pressure on ourselves we could never reach the ideal. We think perfectionism is a means to help us excel, but as perfection is unattainable it means we ar
e always failing. What we are really doing when we don’t have patience with ourselves is learning to fail. This erodes our confidence. It is hard to trust someone who sees themselves as a failure. So, we try schemes to compensate. Maybe we rush through life so no one will see the truth. Maybe we’ll rush to judgement of others before they can judge us. Thus, life without trust engenders self-consciousness rather than self-awareness. We are so worried about ourselves we don’t have time or space to see anyone else. Therefore, we don’t trust them either. We might make up for this lack of confidence with narratives of bravado. We might develop such defensive strength that we actually control some aspects of our lives. We might bully others into compliance. But that is not confidence. And that is not leadership. Humans are mammals. Mammals tend to follow true leadership. A wolf can sense right through to someone’s fear no matter how brave they act. And other people smell the weakness in us even when we are puffed up and exaggerating. And that exaggerated ego defense has no patience. And it is so important it has no time.
The remedy is to turn our self-consciousness into self-awareness. We learn to see ourselves and, in time, that familiarity gives us a practical connection to ourselves and our world. Instead of worrying what might go wrong, we begin to see what is going right. It is said, we don’t learn from our mistakes, we learn from our wisdom. Granted, sometimes mistakes can lead to wisdom, but our wisdom is what allows us to see better options and braver choices. Our wisdom reminds us of the value of patience, and the paucity of pretense. And when we recognize our wisdom, we see that everyone has this. All life is an expression of wisdom. Sometimes people don’t recognize theirs because we use the wrong parts of our brains. Wild animals trust themselves. Flowers, bees, and trees trust themselves. Nature is fine being as it is. Except us. Humans are the only form of life that hates itself. And as it sits atop the food chain, it has only itself to fear and attack.
It is the work of mindfulness training to give us the practical connection to reality. How it feels, how it smells, what we hear. All these points of contact allow us true confidence. This confidence allows us to trust ourselves and our world. And this trust allows us to raise our head and pause our momentum long enough to be patient. Patience allows us to synchronize with the natural rhythm of life.
In this way, we are learning to rule our world with the benevolence and kindness of a true leader.
