WITHOUT WARNING
For Bobby Hughes, and All of Us
The Buddhist teaching on impermanence is central to the idea of valuing the present moment. We have so little time left. And, for many of us, that time can be taken at any moment without warning. None of us know exactly when the end will come.
This is our lot. It is not a glum statement, it’s a statement of fact. But why is it important to consider it? There has been much research on the fact that attention to the trigger points of our stress actually decreases the impact of that stress. A part of our mind is charged with protecting us and to that end it is keeping a constant vigil. Whether we are consciously aware of this or not, our deep neurology is always looking out for danger. When we are unaware of danger, we are not escaping it. In fact, lack of awareness makes us more vulnerable.
When we do regard the stressors, dangers, or triggers in our life that deeper part of the body / mind system relaxes. Gentle, consistent placement of the mind on the present truth, as painful as it seems conceptually, is actually soothing and healing to this defensive system. This is a core principle in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction formulated by Jon Kabat-Zinn. But the point of this is not to revel in fear and depression, but to relax into the flow of life with presence and awareness.
The Buddha felt it important for his students to regard the impermanence of life and the possibility of death as central to the path of awakening. As death is so frightening to all of us, it impacts our ability to see and relax into our life. Death lies like a dark cloud looming over the horizon. As we can do little about it we would rather look away. Unfortunately looking away from that horizon we also look away from the trees, mountains, and greenery of life around the horizon. And most egregiously, we also miss the opportunities to protect ourselves. How many of us are closing ourselves off the joy because of this deep-seated unseen fear. And how often are our avoidant behaviors actually hastening our death? We are frightened of something over which he we have no control. So, we smoke cigarettes, eat fried food, or resort to drugs and alcohol to fill the space of fearful unknowing.
Yet, all of us will die. Regardless of our age, wealth, spiritual understanding, kindness, or aggression, we will die. Yet somehow the death of those younger seems to underscore this fact with striking finality. It seems unfair. But, if we are to look life squarely in the face, we see little in life is fair. Fairness is a wishful distraction that makes us feel better but has little to do with truth. Vague ideas of karma or thoughts like “it all works out for the best” or “it is meant to be” or “they’re in a better place” give us a conceptual sense of relief. But the truth of death is not conceptual. When death comes close, hitting with a thud, it is different from what we think.
Death is not what we think. It is an experience. An experience shared by all.
This post is inspired by a dear friend and Shambhala Community member Bobby Hughes. Bobby died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. He was young, handsome and intelligent. He had a brightness to his approach that made him an excellent Zoom host and coordinator for Shambhala’s online programs until recently, when his dedication and patience led him to become their Director of Operations. All the self-soothing homilies fit. He was taken too soon, he had so much to offer, he will be missed. I had come to know him as a friend and colleague. My heart is utterly broken.
It doesn’t seem fair.
And yet, here it is. Death is such an important part of life. The Buddha encouraged his students to value their lives by contemplating death. Chogyam Trungpa, Rinpoche translated:
The whole world and its inhabitants are impermanent. In particular, the life of beings is like a bubble. Death comes without warning; this body will be a corpse. At that time the dharma will be my only help. I must practice it with exertion.
This is part of the “Four Reminders That Turn Our Mind to the Dharma” which are contemplations of difficult truths that lead to a deeper understanding of, and greater appreciation for, life.
For those who knew Bobby, there will be a ceremony honoring his life and regarding his passing called a Ceremony of Sukhavati on Sunday, Sept 25 at 1PM. Please use the link below to join us. This traditional ceremony is performed for the benefit of helping the deceased transition into their journey ahead.
Shambhala is collecting memories and condolences to send to Bobby’s family. If you would like to share a memory or photo, please email memories@shambhalanyc.org.
Zoom Link for Ceremony:
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82724371783